Introducing the Ben & Jerry's combination Pint Lock, a brilliant idea for anyone who has a roommate who doesn't respect boundaries or a spouse who doesn't understand that if he or she eats one more bite of your Coffee Heath Bar Crunch you're going to go out and have an affair. We worry about the long-term effects of this device, however. Just as the prohibition on narcotics has resulted in countless people murdered in drug wars, with the lid on lockdown we can foresee thousands of innocent pints being knifed in their vulnerable carboard centers and ripped apart so bandits can get at the sugary bounty inside. We're sticking with our hydraulic freezer safe for now.

We don't recommend putting pets in any kind of clothing, but if you're going to anyway, it might as well be this. It's only May and this dog has already won every Halloween costume contest on Earth.

You win, restaurant. Now we have to try this thing. Ironically, this only works because the Yelp review is so hyperbolically negative. You wouldn't catch anyone posting a sign that reads "Some lady on CitySearch says we're not great but not completely terrible either so, kind of a toss-up really."

Seriously dude, you living would be so totes amazeballs and I would so click Like on that. To the kid who sent this drawing in a care package for soldiers presently stationed in Afghanistan, maybe try a little more sincerity next time. With the dangers our soldiers are facing every day so you can be safe, you couldn't have been a little more careful to color within the lines? What, did you finish this on the bus to school? Give them something to fight for, children! 

Well, that depends on what's being hidden and inside which part of the body. And of course, how many other partners the seeker has "sought" before seeking you. This was apparently a very real informational poster used in the 1980s to debunk myths about the spread of AIDS. We only wish we had come across it then, since we were of hide-n-seek playing age in that decade and it would have been nice to play without having to wear a full-body condom.

A clever idea, but is this really revenge? Listen to that clip! All this guy did was preserve in digital audio a moment of pure ecstasy for that couple to go back and revisit any time they wish. We can imagine the couple hitting on hard times a few years from now, wondering what they ever saw in each other, then they'll go find the website of that neighbor with way too much free time and they'll play the clip again and remember, "Oh yeah, that's why we're together. We know how to plow each other to the point where we're screaming at the far recesses of the universe. Thanks for reminding us, weird dude with a Soundcloud account!"

If this is the kind of people on Facebook now, we're glad we've only been using it to play Words With Friends for the past two years. This is the equivalent of your mom kissing you on the cheek in front of your friends at your graduation party. Facebook better hope this video doesn't go viral, or that stock will be completely worthless by today's closing bell. On the other hand, at least we'll get a follow-up "Sorry Facebook" video out of it.

Cover yourself in edited-for-content pixelation with the self-censorship bath towel. She's completely covered up and completely naked at the same time, so it's a win-win for everybody involved. Sorry but this is the sexiest bath towel ever. Nothing is more alluring than when you're presented with nudity that a censor has looked at and decided, "No, you can't have this nudity. This nudity will damage you." Though in the picture below, it doesn't work so well on the guy. It looks like someone decided that thighs are obscene:

It's Facebook IPO day! Now that the world's biggest enemy of productivity is going public, maybe it's time to take a closer look at the statuses and wall posts that turned this behemoth into a $100 billion monster. The users whose posts appear in this list comprise Facebook's least valuable players, the people who put stuff up everyday to remind you that maybe you should log off and go outside for a while. Wall Street might like to think these posts are the outliers, the exceptions to the quality content generated by this fine corporation. Nope, these posts are Facebook's foundation. When you buy shares in Facebook, you're counting on the tireless and shameless work of these noble social network citizens.