5. Nicki Minaj - The most regrettably memorable thing about the Grammys besides the fact that Whitney Houston wasn't there was the fact that Nicki Minaj was. Wallowing around the stage in an incomprehensible Exorcist remake that absolutely no one asked for, Minaj came across like a combination of Lady Gaga and a kid throwing a tantrum in a Wal-Mart.

4. Sony Music executives - The company is facing an enormous backlash after price gouging vulnerable Whitney Houston fans in the wake of the singer's very recent death. "We're just shocked that a giant corporation would do something so heartless and opportunistic," said no one. Fortunately for fans of karma, major record labels don't exactly have much longer to live, either.  

3. Californians - The West Coast may soon be inundated with debris from last year's tsunami, which is terrible news for everyone except the one couple who happened to be planning a "post-apocalyptic beach" theme for their gay wedding.

2. Greeks - The financially floundering nation looked more like a Banksy painting this weekend as disgruntled citizens took to the streets of Athens to protest the government's passage of controversial austerity measures. We have no idea what any of that means, but we're pretty sure this all has something to do with those god-awful John Stamos yogurt commericials.

1. "Team Breezy" - In the only Grammy-related Twitter phenomenon that could possibly be more appalling than people not knowing who Paul McCartney is, some far-too-forgiving female Chris Brown fans tweeted their disturbing level of support for the convicted felon during the show, sending an unspeakably awful message to victims of abuse, women in general, and pretty much the world. Buzzfeed collected 25 stomach-turning examples, which we hope will be forwarded immediately to a team of highly accomplished therapists.