When you saw the trailer for that movie Flash of Genius where Greg Kinnear plays the guy who invented windshield wipers, you were probably thinking, "If I ever decide to kill myself, it will probably happen while I'm watching a movie about the guy who invented windshield wipers." But as these notes will attest, the windshield wiper is a seriously underrated medium of expression, allowing countless anonymous people to express their furious, amusing, and occasionally psychotic observations to their fellow motorists. All thanks to a little rubber blade against a piece of glass.
Updated 11/1/11:
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K | 02/01/2012 flag |
Twice in the last month I have left a note on 2 separate cars. They said, "next time you park that close to me I'm taking your wiper blades." Then I flipped the wipers up so they'd know that we, the innocent victims of parking rudeness DO have a way to fight back! Another way would be to let the air out of their tires without slashing them...
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Big Daddy | 11/02/2011 flag |
To whomever wrote the note bagging on "nameless douche" and friend in IHOP: the fact that you would take time out of your clearly meaningless day to comment on a person so supposedly undeserving of ANYONE'S time and attention proves without a reasonable doubt that you are indeed douchier than said "nameless douche"....not to mention your incredibly sloppy handwriting...and what's with signing the letter "Dar & Oggy"? I mean, for Chrissakes! Weren't there some lamer, more shitty names your parents could have come up with? Oh, right....NO! Those are the absolute lamest, most pussified and loserish names on the PLANET! Fuckin' fuckbag....next time you sit in judgment of someone else, remember how much of a cheesy shitbag you are and keep your mouth shut and your pen capped....fucktard.
Sincerely,
Not Dar & Oggy -
wpazzurri | 11/01/2011 flag |
"The way you pulled in makes me wish your father had pulled out."
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Mike | 11/01/2011 flag |
I love the "just because my car wasn't parked straight" bitch. Dumbass, if you "park" that way, nobody has any choice but to make you do that. It's YOUR fault! And the one whining about a temperature and diarrhea, same notation. Being sick or "overworked" is not a license to be a douchebag.
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ussr | 11/01/2011 flag |
WHY THESE AMERICANS ARE SO dICK HEAD ! DONT HAVE PATIENCE, SO ABUSIVE, WHAT IF YOUR KIDS READ ALL THIS STUFF ??
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mmeirie | 10/19/2011 flag |
Whatever, I live in the city and have no problems parking. I just don't think it's necessary to leave nasty notes on someone's car when you don't know what the circumstances were that made them park that way in the first place...but thanks for playing.
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wsj | 10/19/2011 flag |
mmeirie, it sounds to me like you live in the boonies. Do civilization a favor and stay there.
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lolbbq | 10/19/2011 flag |
mmeirie, it sounds to me like you propagate a lot of shitty parking. We know how it works... just keep driving another 20 feet until you find an open spot without another car halfway into it. problem solved.
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mmeirie | 10/18/2011 flag |
A couple of people have mentioned, or got close to mentioning, that perhaps the horrible parkers were not the original horrible parkers in the first place...sometimes when parking in lots you find that the car in the only open spot beside you crosses into the space you are attempting to occupy, so you have to park your own car close to the opposite space to have enough room between you and the offending car parked beside you. Or when parallel parking, the car in front of you has three feet in front of it so you have to squeeze your car in behind them to make the fit...you can assume that they are just parking like an asshole but you don't know if you arrived after all the cars surrounding it and causing that particular parking formation had driven away. My point is, you don't know if someone is purposely trying to park like an asshole or if they are just parking the best they can around other cars taking up too much space. You never know who the original asshole is, unless you witness it for yourself, which is why leaving notes like this is not a good idea. (Obvs this does not apply to the Chicago people digging out their own spaces only to have them yanked by someone else when they get home).
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Sandy VaJayJay | 10/18/2011 flag |
These are most certainly NOT all submitted by the recipient. Clearly, the one on graph paper, (pg 2 currently) has a stack of paper beneath it indicating to the casual observer that the photo was taken by the AUTHOR before placing it on the vehicle in question. That leads me to believe that many OTHER pictures were taken by the author not the recipient. Thank you...and GOOD DAY.
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WillfromSF | 10/18/2011 flag |
So the obnoxious parkers are the ones who submitted those. I guess they're proud to be assholes.
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sassystephb | 10/18/2011 flag |
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! i always wanna leave people notes... but i dont do it. but these are funny.
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dwfmba | 10/17/2011 flag |
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Penny | 10/15/2011 flag |
I always leave a request when people park so close i can not enter or exit my vehicle. "Thank you for parking so close to me. Next time please leave a can opener so I can get in my car. Thanx :)"
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Heather879780 | 10/14/2011 flag |
If you park like you F*#k, I bet you never get it in
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ziffy | 09/19/2011 flag |
pouring coffee (or milk) into the vent by the wind-shield wipers is good for two space parkers.
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john o driiscoll | 09/11/2011 flag |
To one & all, thank you for the great idea,s they
are hilarious -
Luis Lopes | 09/09/2011 flag |
THIS " subject " is widly spread,i can even find it in front of mi door.
I strongly believe that Asshole's are a subsepecies of mankind.
Sorry for my lowsy speling. -
G | 09/07/2011 flag |
Absolutely love it. LMAO!
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d julien | 09/07/2011 flag |
Is it possible that the parker arrives when no other cars are around and then cars park in front and behind and leave too much space giving the impression that the original parker took up 2 spaces????
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Christine13103 | 09/07/2011 flag |
Add your comment here...
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Beth | 09/07/2011 flag |
Ok I get furious too when someone parks in two spaces, but some of these notes are really just as awful. And the one about the people at IHOP? How mean. And judging by that person's handwriting he probably doesn't have much going for him anyway. Yikes! What an awful human.
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Kalah | 08/24/2011 flag |
I like the typed ones, they're so much easier to read. There's no point in insulting someone if they can't even read your terrible handwriting.
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Sipho | 08/19/2011 flag |
You all need more than notes, better still steamrollers, the way taxi's and selfish drivers jam every road and intersection and 3 deep parking bays in Johannesburg South Africa.
The people here normally cannot write so usual is to take a stick or brick to leave a notice too. -
Tommy Angel | 08/18/2011 flag |
3rd one down has really cuntish handwriting.
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Jon | 08/17/2011 flag |
Every time I read that "My name is Jack" note I laugh my ass off. It just cracks me up because you could actually picture it as it's happening.
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Ade | 08/16/2011 flag |
holy shit these are just fucking great! m/
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shanti jani | 08/16/2011 flag |
Anyone who does not think at least a few of these are funny has obviously not lived in Chicago for any number of winters and spent an hour and 1/2 to 3 hours digging out their spot, carefully marked it w patio furniture of some sort before leaving for work, only to come home to find your patio table blown away down the street and some piece of shit Ford Escape w dented bumpers and smashed in fenders squashed into the spot you dug out for your midsized. This has brought me to tears on more than one occasion. I don't live there anymore, however.
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Ann | 08/16/2011 flag |
Vivi is a hypocritical freak. She keeps saying how mean it is to leave cruel notes, then says mean things.
Get a grip there are worse things in the world to get upset about - Like a Tsunami destoying your country - oh wait.. that just happened and people died.. I bet they're not whining on a website somewhere. -
shanti jani | 08/16/2011 flag |
Can I please add to the signs left on cars? My 16 year old cousin drove to the mall in suburban Indiana within a few days of her getting her license. She was 16 and we were in her parents wagon straight out of national lampoons vacation. (Ok, this was 15 years ago, granted). She parks in an inexperienced angle park taking up probably two spaces, but this is April, so its not crowded and we go on our merry way. When we get back out, a huge PICK-UP is parked near us, but on her front windshield is a scrawled out note presumably in man's handwriting, "If you fuck like you park, you'll never get it in, ASSHOLE!" This poor girl. It was like her second trip to the mall. Horrible. Hilarious, though. Bloody hilarious.
-Shanti Jani -
NLights | 08/16/2011 flag |
more notes to keep handy available at youparklikeanasshole.com
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Mo | 08/16/2011 flag |
I love that the note putting a curse on the car is on St. Jude's notepaper.
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Looking For Trouble | 08/16/2011 flag |
Vivi, was that your car I saw taking up 2 spaces in front of that store? Just saying.
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Evy | 07/16/2011 flag |
"Some people are impossible to accept." haha! That's the truth, eloquently simple.
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Wendy | 07/15/2011 flag |
Atrocious handwriting is just as bad as terrible parking.
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seriously? | 07/15/2011 flag |
vivi you call the people who leave the notes cowards...well i for one would not wait till the person gets out of the store to confront them about there shitty parking handicap. an i believed the notes humored the person who posted them or wouldn't have. you keep saying oh this is my last note...this seriously is my last note. the truth is you love arguing with these people back in forth. why would you care to defend yourself against these people when they don't know you and you don't know them. because honestly you love it. you have nothing in life better to do. why don't you smoke a joint and mellow out.. holy fuck. your just mad you have a parking handicap and feel bad for these people
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Dana | 07/15/2011 flag |
To lighten your day! Irv
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Helpful! | 07/13/2011 flag |
HelpfulCitizens.org has the perfect solution: funny cards you keep in your wallet and put on people's windshields.
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Jason | 07/13/2011 flag |
@bestfightstore I find some of these to be extremely hilarious and the one about ihop to just be rude and disturbing. However, I must say that stupid people are everywhere. At this point, they outnumber those of us who are not stupid. Some people suggest that we should accept everyone as they are. WRONG! Some people are impossible to accept. These people are most likely the ones who received notes on their cars.
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Steph | 07/13/2011 flag |
Vivi, how are they "innocent people"--parking badly and leaving it that way is not innocent. It's rude and an inconvenience. And they KNOW they just parked like crap!
I will say, however, it sucks when a few cars in a row are parked like crap and it has to continue bc it's the only way you'll fit in the spot. I try to move on to another spot in such a situation, but the time or times that I haven't, I pray to goodness that I'm not the last car around when I come out... -
mermex55 | 06/18/2011 flag |
@Honest John Beautiful! May I plagiarize your quote please? @Dougie- I want to just take a moment to apologize to you on behalf of 2/3 of humanity. We have a capacity for inflicting UNNECESSARY pain that other species don't possess. Even insects do it out of fear, for food, for protection etc, but mankind holds the dubious honor of doing it merely for their own sick pleasure. Please remember Dougie that there are decent people out there and don't shut your self off from the world BC you miss the good people too. ;)
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Honest Mike | 06/18/2011 flag |
Vivi, if you haven't disappeared in a cloud of bitterness and (self?)loathing - why are you so negative? 'Oh, the humanity'.
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Honest Mike | 06/18/2011 flag |
If I parked really badly, so that my selfish indifference caused problems for innocent fellow road users, I would deserve a tersely worded note. That's why I park carefully/respectfully and leave 'wake up' notes for ignorant dolts :-)
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Sara | 06/17/2011 flag |
OMG!!! I got a note from the one who wrote the FYI one (EXACT same handwriting!) for parking outside of my own house!!! Please, if anyone knows where that one came from, let me know...
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Sam | 06/17/2011 flag |
I thought you'd enjoy this...
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Sarah | 06/17/2011 flag |
Yeah, I completely agree that the IHOP note is not funny. It's mean. I didn't really find any moment of humor in it, and feel personally insulted to walk the earth with people of such a pathetic existence that they get their kicks out sharing their witless anger with anyone who will read it. Shame on them, and shame on someecard for including this with a list of things that actually are funny. It's a disgrace.
And to the guy on whose car it was put - don't let someone's miserable existence make yours the same. Congrats on having someone you enjoy to sit with in IHOP and keep enjoying each other whereever the hell you want. That guy who wrote the note deserves nothing more than a dismissive head shake, and maybe the fleas of a thousand camels invading his armpits. -
chimpforce | 06/17/2011 flag |
Years ago, there was a Hummer H2 that would routinely take two parking spaces in the not enormous parking deck where I worked. It could fit in one, the driver was just protecting his or her pet monstrosity from door dings. This greatly annoyed a coworker of mine, so I made her a bunch of signs to attach to it that read "ATTENTION: Cars occupying more than one space will be summarily exploded. - The Management"
A year or so later, I saw one of those signs hanging in someone's cubicle. I never figured out if the cube's resident was the driver or just someone who liked the signs. -
Dougie | 06/17/2011 flag |
I want to thank Vivi for defending me. I am the person who received the note at Ihop. It made me real sad. My friend may be overweight but she is a good person and I love her. Now we don't never go out to Ihop anymore because we are ascared of getting bad notes. We now only do delivery and curbside pickup. People have always been mean to me and I never had a girlfriend until Larissa because she never had a boyfriend either. I am hopeful that there are people like Vivi in the world and that people like lolbbq are not, maybe we will go out to eat again one day.
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j | 06/16/2011 flag |
i agree with vivi, the ihop note was just downright cruel. not funny.
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John | 06/15/2011 flag |
I had someone put anote on my car because I parked in HIS parking space on a limited parking street. Told me if I did it again I would have flat tires. I thanked him with a note put in his storm door on a pack of matches.
