Turn your workplace into an impromptu bachelorette party with these fashionable-yet-comfortable penis-covered slacks. Because times may change, but a field of throbbing cocks is a classic look that will never go out of style. Sure it could cause a few minor "issues" with HR, but depending on how lax your office's Casual Friday policy is, these could be entirely allowable. And isn't it worth it to find out?

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That's not what we were thinking at all. We were just going to ask you if you knew a good place to get weirdly cut, almost-off-the-shoulder v-neck dresses. Kids graduating today are getting super creative with their yearbook quotes. We feel pretty lame having gone with, "This guy to the left of me stole my yearbook quote," especially after that guy grew so distraught from being wrongly accused of plagiarism that he hanged himself.

Consumer culture meets counterculture at Hillsdale Mall, where you can walk into Yankee Candle and literally hear what Autumn Wreath and French Vanilla sound like. Stroll into Hot Topic, and you can actually taste sadness. And don't even get us started on the talking biscotti at Starbucks. This mall is just something you have to experience to understand, man.

When they aren't busy leaving 11-minute voicemails and wiring you money because the Philosophy major they told you wouldn't work out isn't working out, we like to imagine parents surfing the information highway in their own special way. 

Whether you're in your post-college years or your mid-forties and sleeping in your old room at your parents' house, the roommate situation is a hotbed of hostility and spoiled food-borne illness. Eventually, the unwashed dishes and random pubic hair discoveries become too much to bear, and accusations and apologies are exchanged in pointed, often wonderfully clever notes. Here are some of our favorites that reveal way too much about the gross ways in which non-sex-having humans tend to co-habitate.

That landed right smack dab around 18.5%! Let this be a lesson to you kids considering trying the pot. Being high is no excuse for being a bad tipper. As long as you smoke up with a sense of justice in your heart, you'll tip well and you won't smear the reputation of potheads everywhere, scaring off servers from having to wait on "the high table." Because the last thing potheads need is for people to start refusing to bring them food.  

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When an IMDB writer named John C. Hopwood was tasked with updating the page of Kim Kardashian, he took the opportunity to turn her bio into a merciless indictment of Kardashian, and of American culture as a whole. Kardashian's lawyers had the bio pulled, but a screencap has thankfully been preserved for posterity. Hopefully, several thousand years from now when alien archaeologists swim to the ocean's depths to find artifacts from our society before it was swallowed by too many natural disasters to count, they'll come across this bio and realize that we didn't worship the Kardashians with the fervor implied by their ubiquity. "The Kardashian woman was not their God," they'll conclude. "Upon further research, it would appear they worshipped a man they called 'Gosling.'"

According to redditor surprisemailbox, this ominous note was left on the computer by his friend's 7-year-old sister, and for Christ's sake, everybody do what she says. Otherwise next you'll be waking up to death threats scrawled on the walls in fingerpaints, an outline of your body on the floor in sidewalk chalk, or a gutted teddy bear pinned to the refrigerator as a "message."

Since the launch of Facebook Timeline, we haven't really bothered to do anything with our new profile layout — mostly because we've been too busy posting angry status updates about Facebook Timeline. Everyone else seems to have gone with one of three themes: "Here's an iStock photo of a beach," "Here's my new pet and/or child," or "Here's me at a time before my new pet and/or child ruined my very existence." But these people have gone above and beyond the call of profile customization to do the impossible: make us not hate Facebook Timelines. As much.