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If hand towel dispenser instructions were honest.

This is accurate but it skips the first step, which is a diagram of a guy searching the rest room to see if anyone else is there before he bothers to wash his hands at all. We still prefer towels to the Dyson jet engine air dryers, which tend to give us headaches when the air pressure reverses the circulation in our veins and sends the blood racing up our arms and into our skulls. Dry hands are nice, sure, but is a strong air dryer worth the danger of having your fingerprints blown off?

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