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[UPDATED WITH VIDEO] Home intruder does every possible thing wrong.

Imagine a world in which every potential criminal was this wimpy and incompetent. We still can't figure out what Mr. Chapek was even doing in the home aside from taking a shower. Someone should definitely let him know he can't call 911 from prison.

UPDATE: Somehow, hearing the phone calls from both the intruder and the homeowner are even funnier than we expected.

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