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The world's most unsympathetic sympathy card.

Finally, the sympathy card industry is catering to unjustly neglected demographics such as "spiteful heirs to enormous fortunes," "widows with a disturbing sense of humor," and "literally everyone from Libya." It's the perfect thing to bring a little levity to an otherwise dreary occasion. Just give it to your aunt Helen as soon as she's finished dancing on your uncle Frank's grave.
