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MOTHER'S DAY
05/10/2012
How to compensate your mom for the grossest thing she ever did for you.
This is long overdue. Screw your flowers. If someone on Craigslist let you destroy her vagina you'd pay her in currency, but you give your own mother some stupid flowers? Cash! Pay your mom what...
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ART
01/11/2012
11 more impressive examples of creatively defaced currency.
You'd think artists have enough trouble making money without literally destroying their own. But that hasn't stopped the people behind these cash-ruining masterpieces from treating U.S....
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THANKS
04/02/2011
How to pay cab fare when you're too drunk to know you're in a cab.
This handy little invention lets you pay for a taxi even when you're intoxicated beyond rational thought — which is probably for the best in this case, considering you're essentially...
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TV
01/31/2011
How to trade in your VCR for a million dollars.
ter>
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CONFESSION
12/16/2010
World's most self-deprecating ATM.
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The most romantic way to protest in support of gay marriage in North Carolina.
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The 8 most unintentionally perverted superhero toys.
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A hilarious two-part yearbook quote that will warm your heart.
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What it would look like if every Sunday night show you watch was combined into one.
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Reporter's skirt adjustment nearly turns news clip into porn clip.
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The most awkward conceivable way to declare you need a tan.
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The single-most deranged anti-gay rant ever read calmly into a microphone.
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Real-life Homer Simpson protests all-you-can-eat restaurant for cutting him off.
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Kids reenact Sabotage video in honor of MCA.
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Michelle Wolf
if i ever want to get back at someone i'm dating, i just wipe back to front
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There must be a few vegetarians who just enjoy murdering vegetables.
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Probably one of the hardest things for Pinocchio to pull off was complimenting his friend's experimental theater piece.
Megan Amram
I got out of jury duty by being the defendant
Gary Janetti
Never getting married. I don't need a piece of paper to tell me it's okay to emotionally torture someone.
Ari Scott
I hope God is almost done putting people on this earth to sing.
Jim Gaffigan
If there was an award for most pessimistic, I probably wouldn't even be nominated.
Leah Beckmann
I know I'm killing it if I'm having more of "hahaha" than a "haha" gchat kind of day.
Molly McNearney
How did we ever cross busy intersections before texting and walking?
Shari Vanderwerf
Oh yeah? Well I can lose weight, but you'll always be a dressing room mirror.
Clarke Kant
It's amazing to see the differences between twins. For example, my precious daughter has so much more self-confidence than my fat idiot son.
Wickedwordslinger
Deleting a substandard tweet is my version of a courtesy flush.
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5 people having a worse Monday than you.
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10 hilariously disastrous weddings we wish we'd been invited to.
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Headline about gay marriage succeeds in being as blatantly sexual as possible.
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Have a joyous time celebrating the day your face rubbed your mother's vagina.
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I work well with others when they leave me the fuck alone.
However old you are is the new 30.
Happy birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a Facebook reminder.
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