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HEADLINES
05/03/2012
Study finds worshipping porn is safer for your computer than worshipping God.
We always knew religion was a virus. Not only does it threaten your computer, but if you thought the pop-under chat window girls on porn sites were unattractive, wait till you see the pop-under...
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CRAIGSLIST
03/26/2012
The most honest ad for a used computer ever posted by a pervert on Craigslist.
Yes it's honest, but no salesman ever got rich off of being honest. Especially when that salesman is trying to pawn off a device that everyone already knows was touched 75% of the time...
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WORKPLACE
12/05/2011
What your desk at work will tragically look like one day.
This is how most of us figure we'll end up someday: A slow, agonizing death by way of a lethal combination of frustration, stress, exposure to Top 40 radio from the cubicle next door, and eye...
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RELATIONSHIPS
12/01/2011
A sadly accurate illustration of what passes for intimacy in your life.
It may seem incredibly depressing to think that the only thing warming your bed during these cold winter months is the laptop you snuggle up beside, but that's an antiquated thought process. This...
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SEX
10/26/2011
What the Kama Sutra would look like if it was written today.
This is pretty vanilla, honestly. There isn't even any laptop-on-laptop action (so hot!). And it doesn't cover the ultimate fantasy: two laptops at once. Hell, we'd be psyched to do it...
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FLIRTING
05/31/2011
Craigslist ad seeks loveless end-stage relationship.
As far back as we can remember, Craigslist has been the place to go if you wanted to have meaningless sex or rob a masseuse. It's a sad day when people start using it to find what we all settle...
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Reporter's skirt adjustment nearly turns news clip into porn clip.
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The most awkward conceivable way to declare you need a tan.
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The single-most deranged anti-gay rant ever read calmly into a microphone.
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Michelle Wolf
if i ever want to get back at someone i'm dating, i just wipe back to front
donni
There must be a few vegetarians who just enjoy murdering vegetables.
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Probably one of the hardest things for Pinocchio to pull off was complimenting his friend's experimental theater piece.
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I got out of jury duty by being the defendant
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Never getting married. I don't need a piece of paper to tell me it's okay to emotionally torture someone.
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I hope God is almost done putting people on this earth to sing.
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If there was an award for most pessimistic, I probably wouldn't even be nominated.
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I know I'm killing it if I'm having more of "hahaha" than a "haha" gchat kind of day.
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How did we ever cross busy intersections before texting and walking?
Shari Vanderwerf
Oh yeah? Well I can lose weight, but you'll always be a dressing room mirror.
Clarke Kant
It's amazing to see the differences between twins. For example, my precious daughter has so much more self-confidence than my fat idiot son.
Wickedwordslinger
Deleting a substandard tweet is my version of a courtesy flush.
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10 hilariously disastrous weddings we wish we'd been invited to.
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Headline about gay marriage succeeds in being as blatantly sexual as possible.
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