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CHRISTMAS SEASON
12/12/2011
How to decorate your house with as little holiday enthusiasm as possible.
We guess this is the non-committal middle ground between "Merry Christmas" and "Bah Humbug." This is a great decoration idea if Christmas just doesn't do it for you, or if you...
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CHRISTMAS SEASON
12/01/2011
The laziest lighting job in Christmas history.
Sometimes extreme apathy can lead to extreme ingenuity. With one simple word and a miniscule fraction of the effort, the guy on the right is expressing the exact same level of Christmas spirit as his...
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FLYERS
06/20/2011
How to be soul-crushingly honest with your irritating neighbor.
This might seem kind of harsh but, if you think about it, telling Greg in person would have only started another conversation. Sure it's pretty rough news, but at least he has a new story to tell...
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HEADLINES
03/09/2011
[UPDATED WITH VIDEO] Home intruder does every possible thing wrong.
Imagine a world in which every potential criminal was this wimpy and incompetent. We still can't figure out what Mr. Chapek was even doing in the home aside from taking a shower. Someone should...
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CONFESSION
01/31/2011
Realtor accidentally leaves very personal item in home listing photo.
Is there something subconsciously that makes you really, really want this house? This bathroom photo appeared in a reality listing for a Houston-area home. For some reason, it has since been taken...
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Notes
More of the most awkward, entertaining, or horrifying notes ever written by a roommate.
Photoshop
How to use Photoshop to make it look like your drunk friend had the night of his life.
Notes
Overprotective mom and dad leave extremely different goodbye notes.
Cartoons
What your entire life looks like when you're too picky about who you date.
Signs
Bathroom sign imposes unbelievably bizarre restriction.
Signs
Restaurant delivers best possible response to bad internet review.
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TV News
Reporter's skirt adjustment nearly turns news clip into porn clip.
TV News
The most awkward conceivable way to declare you need a tan.
The Gays
The single-most deranged anti-gay rant ever read calmly into a microphone.
TV
What it would look like if every Sunday night show you watch was combined into one.
Food
Real-life Homer Simpson protests all-you-can-eat restaurant for cutting him off.
Videos
Kids reenact Sabotage video in honor of MCA.
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Ben Greenman
Facebook stock should have its own Timeline so it can look back on happier days, like last Friday.
Jenny Johnson
Most people don't know this, but you can quietly be a Republican or a Democrat.
Ken Jennings
Matthew Fox is like the Windows XP of Jon Hamm.
Nicole Betz
I stay up at night worrying about what happens to the unquestioned Jeopardy answers.
kelly oxford
It's Morrissey's birthday today; spend a minute thinking about how crazy it is that he never killed himself.
h. jon benjamin
so far today, i read the ny times and googled 'hulk porn'
jon hendren
"i'm a passionate gamer" says incredible waste of human life
Michael Ian Black
Pretty sure most people aren't spending nearly enough time thinking about me.
IanWearsPants
I don't think I've ever initiated a conversation.
Matt Koff
LinkedIn is just one more way I've never connected with my dad.
MJ
I always make out with the entire restaurant staff before I eat anywhere, just so they know that spitting in my food won't be necessary.
Alex Blagg
I bet a chronological list of everything I've "liked" on the Internet would read like a short story about a man falling apart.
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Headlines
One of the most creatively disgusting ways to get revenge on your boss.
News
5 people having a worse Monday than you.
Advice
Advice column receives letter from worst man you could possibly sleep with.
News
How every man wants to die.
Headlines
How not to treat a 79-year-old world-renowned actor.
Headlines
How an attempt at the perfect prom photo can go horribly wrong.
Mondays
5 people having a worse Monday than you.
Headlines
Headline about gay marriage succeeds in being as blatantly sexual as possible.
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Just wanted to let you know that I love you even though you aren't naked right now.
Sorry I can't make it to your party, dinner, or event because I want to watch previously recorded television.
No amount of tanning will ever change how hopelessly white you are.
Here's to the Yankees and Red Sox making their historic rivalry a battle for last place.
Summer has snuck up once again on me and my giant ass.
I heard you go down even faster than Facebook stock.
May you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people.
There should be a holiday dedicated to all the brave people who show up to work on Mondays.
I work well with others when they leave me the fuck alone.
I can't wait to start blaming my normal lack of productivity on it being summertime.
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