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MEGA MILLIONS
03/30/2012
What your Facebook page would look like if you won the Mega Millions.
Every schmuck with a lottery ticket and a dream has been speculating how their life would change on the almost impossible chance they win the jackpot. But we've been more curious about how it...
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FACEBOOK
03/30/2012
How to use Facebook, Mega Millions, and terrible math skills to solve the economic crisis.
No matter how big the Mega Millions jackpot gets, we clearly aren't going to rectify this country's financial troubles unless we first rectify the country's education troubles. If any of...
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ELECTION 2012
02/06/2012
Romney campaign photo accidentally tells the truth about Mitt Romney.
Unless someone manages to get a shot of Rick Santorum holding up a frothy jar of lube and fecal matter, this is hands-down the most embarrassingly appropriate image of a presidential candidate...
22 comments
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ART
01/11/2012
11 more impressive examples of creatively defaced currency.
You'd think artists have enough trouble making money without literally destroying their own. But that hasn't stopped the people behind these cash-ruining masterpieces from treating U.S....
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POLITICS
11/21/2011
Flowchart perfectly illustrates the pointlessness of supporting any political candidate.
Any time you feel a heated political debate brewing this Thanksgiving, prevent it from devolving into the standard routine of slurred verbal abuse and clumsy fisticuffs by whipping out this handy...
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OCCUPY SOMETHING
10/27/2011
Proof that $2.5M in Jeopardy winnings still isn't enough to make it in this economy.
You see this, Wall Street fat cats? Even the world's most sought-after bar trivia teammate is one bad week away from earning his "Daily Doubles" on a street corner. Meanwhile, Watson is...
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SEASONAL
08/26/2011
Poor and sweaty.
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CRY FOR HELP
05/27/2011
The most dishonest junk food addict you'll ever encounter.
The most generous gift you can give to a man is to take him at his word. When he holds his orange-tinted palm out for a dollar, and you spy the tracks of tasty snack dust running up his arms and all...
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ENCOURAGEMENT
05/17/2011
[UPDATED] Newest worst discounts ever.
The salespeople behind this one-penny discount must assume no one will read what the original price was. Sadly, this method probably works. In fact, we already ordered the pre-paid phone before we...
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ENCOURAGEMENT
03/27/2011
Why you should be careful what you wish for if it's going to appear in print.
Perhaps there will be a follow-up question where John and Claire get to wish they'd never been asked the question.
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Notes
More of the most awkward, entertaining, or horrifying notes ever written by a roommate.
Notes
Overprotective mom and dad leave extremely different goodbye notes.
Photoshop
How to use Photoshop to make it look like your drunk friend had the night of his life.
Cartoons
What your entire life looks like when you're too picky about who you date.
Signs
Bathroom sign imposes unbelievably bizarre restriction.
Signs
Restaurant delivers best possible response to bad internet review.
Notes
More of the most entertaining, obnoxious, or completely insane notes written to neighbors.
Happy Place Original
What a brutally honest college diploma looks like.
Lists
Stephen Colbert named 69th most beautiful woman in the world.
Sex
The most convincing sales pitch for condoms in the history of procreation.
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TV News
Reporter's skirt adjustment nearly turns news clip into porn clip.
TV News
The most awkward conceivable way to declare you need a tan.
The Gays
The single-most deranged anti-gay rant ever read calmly into a microphone.
Food
Real-life Homer Simpson protests all-you-can-eat restaurant for cutting him off.
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What it would look like if every Sunday night show you watch was combined into one.
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Heartfelt music video about Facebook more embarrassing than your friends' status updates.
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Kids reenact Sabotage video in honor of MCA.
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If Taxi Driver had been a Disney movie.
Mother's Day
How to compensate your mom for the grossest thing she ever did for you.
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Ben Greenman
Facebook stock should have its own Timeline so it can look back on happier days, like last Friday.
Jenny Johnson
Most people don't know this, but you can quietly be a Republican or a Democrat.
Ken Jennings
Matthew Fox is like the Windows XP of Jon Hamm.
Nicole Betz
I stay up at night worrying about what happens to the unquestioned Jeopardy answers.
kelly oxford
It's Morrissey's birthday today; spend a minute thinking about how crazy it is that he never killed himself.
h. jon benjamin
so far today, i read the ny times and googled 'hulk porn'
jon hendren
"i'm a passionate gamer" says incredible waste of human life
Michael Ian Black
Pretty sure most people aren't spending nearly enough time thinking about me.
IanWearsPants
I don't think I've ever initiated a conversation.
Matt Koff
LinkedIn is just one more way I've never connected with my dad.
MJ
I always make out with the entire restaurant staff before I eat anywhere, just so they know that spitting in my food won't be necessary.
Alex Blagg
I bet a chronological list of everything I've "liked" on the Internet would read like a short story about a man falling apart.
Michelle Wolf
if i ever want to get back at someone i'm dating, i just wipe back to front
donni
There must be a few vegetarians who just enjoy murdering vegetables.
Rob Kutner
Probably one of the hardest things for Pinocchio to pull off was complimenting his friend's experimental theater piece.
Megan Amram
I got out of jury duty by being the defendant
Gary Janetti
Never getting married. I don't need a piece of paper to tell me it's okay to emotionally torture someone.
Ari Scott
I hope God is almost done putting people on this earth to sing.
Jim Gaffigan
If there was an award for most pessimistic, I probably wouldn't even be nominated.
Leah Beckmann
I know I'm killing it if I'm having more of "hahaha" than a "haha" gchat kind of day.
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One of the most creatively disgusting ways to get revenge on your boss.
News
5 people having a worse Monday than you.
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Advice column receives letter from worst man you could possibly sleep with.
News
How every man wants to die.
Headlines
How not to treat a 79-year-old world-renowned actor.
Headlines
How an attempt at the perfect prom photo can go horribly wrong.
Mondays
5 people having a worse Monday than you.
Headlines
Headline about gay marriage succeeds in being as blatantly sexual as possible.
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Just wanted to let you know that I love you even though you aren't naked right now.
No amount of tanning will ever change how hopelessly white you are.
Sorry I can't make it to your party, dinner, or event because I want to watch previously recorded television.
Here's to the Yankees and Red Sox making their historic rivalry a battle for last place.
I heard you go down even faster than Facebook stock.
Summer has snuck up once again on me and my giant ass.
May you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people.
I work well with others when they leave me the fuck alone.
I can't wait to start blaming my normal lack of productivity on it being summertime.
There should be a holiday dedicated to all the brave people who show up to work on Mondays.
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