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CLOTHING
05/17/2012
The perfect Casual Friday attire for unapologetic perverts.
Turn your workplace into an impromptu bachelorette party with these fashionable-yet-comfortable penis-covered slacks. Because times may change, but a field of throbbing cocks is a classic look that...
1 comments
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THE GAYS
05/11/2012
The single-most deranged anti-gay rant ever read calmly into a microphone.
Stop the presses, because this Lincoln, Nebraska woman has a lot of very important things to tell you about homosexualty. Of course, you can already read them in her self-published twice-hourly...
29 comments
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VIDEOS
04/30/2012
How to scare off rapists by becoming a pants-crapping, penis-biting sociopath.
This video had us from the opening disclaimer, and we're glad we stuck around for every completely insane second of it. To think, for years we've been fighting off our rapists the...
4 comments
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HEADLINES
04/26/2012
Meal ruined by penis.
This photo perfectly captures the quintessential facial expression of any woman who has ever been disappointed by a penis. Take away the burger and this could be one of our honeymoon photos. Except...
19 comments
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VIDEOS
04/12/2012
An anti-bullying video we really could have used as kids.
Finally, an anti-bullying video that gets to the heart of why bullies are so angry: their tiny, tiny penises. Now those who've teased and been teased over their underdeveloped genitals can look...
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LISTS
03/30/2012
More of the greatest inappropriate test answers from young children.
Maybe these kids will look back on this and laugh once they're old enough to realize what the hell they were saying. Some of them seem brutally honest, while others just appear to have a tenuous...
295 comments
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DATING
02/15/2012
Why you shouldn't break up with a crazy girl who has pictures of your tiny penis. (NSFW)
This video positions comedian Rachel Bloom as the new Adele, if Adele had a cell phone full of tiny dick pics. Though we don't see the revenge factor in posting a picture of his penis...
7 comments
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HEADLINES
12/07/2011
The most accidentally pornographic pile of newspapers ever seen.
Looks like a stimulating read. It's like they're blackmailing people into taking newspapers just to keep from catching glimpses of a giant, slatted dong. Can you people please pick up your...
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CHARTS
05/03/2011
Chart illustrates timeline of seeing something you can't unsee.
Whether you're a little kid barging into his bedroom when he's making his "alone time noises," or you're middle-aged and helping him relieve himself with what little dignity he...
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THINKING OF YOU
04/05/2011
How a Facebook photo can arouse you and then very quickly do the exact opposite.
There's just so much potential in this picture of two young, fit, tanned, attractive women joyfully entangled in a piggyback ride. And then you read the comment. Not that there's anything...
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Notes
More of the most awkward, entertaining, or horrifying notes ever written by a roommate.
Notes
Overprotective mom and dad leave extremely different goodbye notes.
Photoshop
How to use Photoshop to make it look like your drunk friend had the night of his life.
Cartoons
What your entire life looks like when you're too picky about who you date.
Signs
Bathroom sign imposes unbelievably bizarre restriction.
Signs
Restaurant delivers best possible response to bad internet review.
Notes
More of the most entertaining, obnoxious, or completely insane notes written to neighbors.
Happy Place Original
What a brutally honest college diploma looks like.
Lists
Stephen Colbert named 69th most beautiful woman in the world.
Sex
The most convincing sales pitch for condoms in the history of procreation.
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TV News
Reporter's skirt adjustment nearly turns news clip into porn clip.
TV News
The most awkward conceivable way to declare you need a tan.
The Gays
The single-most deranged anti-gay rant ever read calmly into a microphone.
Food
Real-life Homer Simpson protests all-you-can-eat restaurant for cutting him off.
TV
What it would look like if every Sunday night show you watch was combined into one.
Videos
Heartfelt music video about Facebook more embarrassing than your friends' status updates.
Videos
Kids reenact Sabotage video in honor of MCA.
Videos
If Taxi Driver had been a Disney movie.
Mother's Day
How to compensate your mom for the grossest thing she ever did for you.
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Ben Greenman
Facebook stock should have its own Timeline so it can look back on happier days, like last Friday.
Jenny Johnson
Most people don't know this, but you can quietly be a Republican or a Democrat.
Ken Jennings
Matthew Fox is like the Windows XP of Jon Hamm.
Nicole Betz
I stay up at night worrying about what happens to the unquestioned Jeopardy answers.
kelly oxford
It's Morrissey's birthday today; spend a minute thinking about how crazy it is that he never killed himself.
h. jon benjamin
so far today, i read the ny times and googled 'hulk porn'
jon hendren
"i'm a passionate gamer" says incredible waste of human life
Michael Ian Black
Pretty sure most people aren't spending nearly enough time thinking about me.
IanWearsPants
I don't think I've ever initiated a conversation.
Matt Koff
LinkedIn is just one more way I've never connected with my dad.
MJ
I always make out with the entire restaurant staff before I eat anywhere, just so they know that spitting in my food won't be necessary.
Alex Blagg
I bet a chronological list of everything I've "liked" on the Internet would read like a short story about a man falling apart.
Michelle Wolf
if i ever want to get back at someone i'm dating, i just wipe back to front
donni
There must be a few vegetarians who just enjoy murdering vegetables.
Rob Kutner
Probably one of the hardest things for Pinocchio to pull off was complimenting his friend's experimental theater piece.
Megan Amram
I got out of jury duty by being the defendant
Gary Janetti
Never getting married. I don't need a piece of paper to tell me it's okay to emotionally torture someone.
Ari Scott
I hope God is almost done putting people on this earth to sing.
Jim Gaffigan
If there was an award for most pessimistic, I probably wouldn't even be nominated.
Leah Beckmann
I know I'm killing it if I'm having more of "hahaha" than a "haha" gchat kind of day.
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One of the most creatively disgusting ways to get revenge on your boss.
News
5 people having a worse Monday than you.
Advice
Advice column receives letter from worst man you could possibly sleep with.
News
How every man wants to die.
Headlines
How not to treat a 79-year-old world-renowned actor.
Headlines
How an attempt at the perfect prom photo can go horribly wrong.
Mondays
5 people having a worse Monday than you.
Headlines
Headline about gay marriage succeeds in being as blatantly sexual as possible.
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No amount of tanning will ever change how hopelessly white you are.
Just wanted to let you know that I love you even though you aren't naked right now.
Sorry I can't make it to your party, dinner, or event because I want to watch previously recorded television.
Here's to the Yankees and Red Sox making their historic rivalry a battle for last place.
I heard you go down even faster than Facebook stock.
Summer has snuck up once again on me and my giant ass.
May you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people.
If I was your coworker, I'd sexually harass you.
I can't wait to start blaming my normal lack of productivity on it being summertime.
There should be a holiday dedicated to all the brave people who show up to work on Mondays.
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