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PRODUCTS
05/01/2012
The most pointless product ever made.
You're always saying, "Man, I can't get enough of 5-Hour Energy's thimble-sized serving of lukewarm, medicinal-flavored garbage-water, but I hate that five hours of energy it gives...
4 comments
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PRODUCT
04/22/2012
Upscale retailer offers expensive new way for rich people to look poor.
Luxury retailer Barneys is offering a fantastic deal on these shoes that look like they were stolen from an undocumented laborer during his 10-minute lunch break from painting the inside of a...
7 comments
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PRODUCTS
03/02/2012
Finally, an outfit that showcases your complete apathy towards everything.
Show the world you've lost the will to live with these stylish full-body sweats that just scream "I know what I look like, please just let me eat this family-size bag of Doritos in peace...
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VALENTINE'S DAY
02/09/2012
6 warning labels every man must read before Valentine's Day.
A lot of guys go into Valentine's Day with every intention of pulling off a night of perfectly planned romance, only to come out the other side wondering why their significant other is sobbing in...
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VALENTINE'S DAY
02/08/2012
Valentine's Day gift combines underwear and food in most disgusting way possible.
Too rushed this Valentine's Day to make time for dinner and romance? Brief Jerky brings them both together in a way that will make you never want to eat or have sex again. This site gives you the...
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VALENTINE'S DAY
02/08/2012
The most romantic 6-pack you can buy this Valentine's Day.
This one's different than the six pack in which you drowned your lonely sorrows last year. Containing six jaded yet romantic someecards and envelopes, the True Love Six Pack is perfect if you...
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MOTHERHOOD
02/06/2012
How to decorate your breastfeeding baby to please fans of boobs.
She's done it! She's discovered the hand-made forcefield to combat all the hostility against public breastfeeding. It's not that people are disgusted by the open display of motherhood....
35 comments
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WORKPLACE
01/31/2012
How to let your coworkers know you're one cup of coffee away from an office rampage.
Tired of feeling obligated to engage in forced conversations and other banal social minutia with your moronic fellow employees? This mug virtually guarantees that you will be left completely alone by...
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VIDEOS
01/31/2012
How to turn your phone into a hands-free, dignity-free device.
Like using a hands-free device but worry that your Bluetooth headset doesn't make you look like enough of a total goon? Well don't worry, it does, but it's still nothing compared to the...
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PRODUCTS
01/22/2012
New iPad accessory for insufferable hipsters and/or Angela Lansbury.
Are you dying to take a revolutionary piece of 21st century technology and make it 200 years less amazing out of some misguided attempt to make yourself seem more interesting? Meet the Typescreen,...
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Older Posts
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Notes
More of the most awkward, entertaining, or horrifying notes ever written by a roommate.
Notes
Overprotective mom and dad leave extremely different goodbye notes.
Photoshop
How to use Photoshop to make it look like your drunk friend had the night of his life.
Cartoons
What your entire life looks like when you're too picky about who you date.
Signs
Bathroom sign imposes unbelievably bizarre restriction.
Signs
Restaurant delivers best possible response to bad internet review.
Notes
More of the most entertaining, obnoxious, or completely insane notes written to neighbors.
Happy Place Original
What a brutally honest college diploma looks like.
Lists
Stephen Colbert named 69th most beautiful woman in the world.
Sex
The most convincing sales pitch for condoms in the history of procreation.
MORE POSTS »
TV News
Reporter's skirt adjustment nearly turns news clip into porn clip.
TV News
The most awkward conceivable way to declare you need a tan.
The Gays
The single-most deranged anti-gay rant ever read calmly into a microphone.
Food
Real-life Homer Simpson protests all-you-can-eat restaurant for cutting him off.
TV
What it would look like if every Sunday night show you watch was combined into one.
Videos
Heartfelt music video about Facebook more embarrassing than your friends' status updates.
Videos
Kids reenact Sabotage video in honor of MCA.
Videos
If Taxi Driver had been a Disney movie.
Mother's Day
How to compensate your mom for the grossest thing she ever did for you.
MORE VIDEOS »
Ben Greenman
Facebook stock should have its own Timeline so it can look back on happier days, like last Friday.
Jenny Johnson
Most people don't know this, but you can quietly be a Republican or a Democrat.
Ken Jennings
Matthew Fox is like the Windows XP of Jon Hamm.
Nicole Betz
I stay up at night worrying about what happens to the unquestioned Jeopardy answers.
kelly oxford
It's Morrissey's birthday today; spend a minute thinking about how crazy it is that he never killed himself.
h. jon benjamin
so far today, i read the ny times and googled 'hulk porn'
jon hendren
"i'm a passionate gamer" says incredible waste of human life
Michael Ian Black
Pretty sure most people aren't spending nearly enough time thinking about me.
IanWearsPants
I don't think I've ever initiated a conversation.
Matt Koff
LinkedIn is just one more way I've never connected with my dad.
MJ
I always make out with the entire restaurant staff before I eat anywhere, just so they know that spitting in my food won't be necessary.
Alex Blagg
I bet a chronological list of everything I've "liked" on the Internet would read like a short story about a man falling apart.
Michelle Wolf
if i ever want to get back at someone i'm dating, i just wipe back to front
donni
There must be a few vegetarians who just enjoy murdering vegetables.
Rob Kutner
Probably one of the hardest things for Pinocchio to pull off was complimenting his friend's experimental theater piece.
Megan Amram
I got out of jury duty by being the defendant
Gary Janetti
Never getting married. I don't need a piece of paper to tell me it's okay to emotionally torture someone.
Ari Scott
I hope God is almost done putting people on this earth to sing.
Jim Gaffigan
If there was an award for most pessimistic, I probably wouldn't even be nominated.
Leah Beckmann
I know I'm killing it if I'm having more of "hahaha" than a "haha" gchat kind of day.
MORE TWEETS »
Headlines
One of the most creatively disgusting ways to get revenge on your boss.
News
5 people having a worse Monday than you.
Advice
Advice column receives letter from worst man you could possibly sleep with.
News
How every man wants to die.
Headlines
How not to treat a 79-year-old world-renowned actor.
Headlines
How an attempt at the perfect prom photo can go horribly wrong.
Mondays
5 people having a worse Monday than you.
Headlines
Headline about gay marriage succeeds in being as blatantly sexual as possible.
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No amount of tanning will ever change how hopelessly white you are.
Just wanted to let you know that I love you even though you aren't naked right now.
Sorry I can't make it to your party, dinner, or event because I want to watch previously recorded television.
Here's to the Yankees and Red Sox making their historic rivalry a battle for last place.
I heard you go down even faster than Facebook stock.
Summer has snuck up once again on me and my giant ass.
May you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people.
I work well with others when they leave me the fuck alone.
I can't wait to start blaming my normal lack of productivity on it being summertime.
If I was your coworker, I'd sexually harass you.
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Un-Airconditioned Sex
Greeting Cards (Pk of 10)
$18.99
Hot & Sticky Birthday
Ceramic Travel Mug
$19.99
Alcohol Cleanse
Shot Glass
$9.99
The New 30
Note Cards (Pk of 10)
$15.99
Blow Jobs Flowers
Women's T-Shirt
$22.99
Happy Hour
Large Mug
$14.99
Work Feels Overwhelming
Journal
$12.99
Dating Profile
Magnet
$3.99
More Into Your Birthday
Greeting Card
$3.50
Four Figures A Year
Greeting Card
$3.50
140-Character-Or-Less
Greeting Card
$3.50
Age Related Jokes
Greeting Card
$3.50
Bathroom Impact
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$3.50
Academic Reputation
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$3.50
Being Around You
Greeting Card
$3.50
SEE MORE PRODUCTS »
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