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RELATIONSHIPS
05/07/2012
Boyfriend answers romantic note with most unromantic response imaginable.
This guy took an innocent love note from his girlfriend and turned it into a scene from Whiteboard Sluts 9: Dry-Erase Facials. We can only assume he woke up the next day with "I'm an...
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VALENTINE'S DAY
02/14/2012
The only Valentine's Day card that will hold up in a court of law.
Look, if someone fails to fulfill their duties as Valentine you should be able to take them into court and absolutely destroy them financially. Now you can, with this legally binding Valentine's...
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VALENTINE'S DAY
02/14/2012
The best examples of Valentine's Day gone horribly wrong on Facebook.
You get a little more grossed out every time you check Facebook and read the line at the top of your feed that says, "85 of your friends have posted something about Valentine's Day!"...
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HEADLINES
02/08/2012
The whitest punishment in judicial history.
So who's getting punished here, the guy or his wife? Can she at least file an appeal to get upgraded to a Chili's and mini golf?
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VALENTINE'S DAY
02/08/2012
The most romantic 6-pack you can buy this Valentine's Day.
This one's different than the six pack in which you drowned your lonely sorrows last year. Containing six jaded yet romantic someecards and envelopes, the True Love Six Pack is perfect if you...
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VALENTINE'S DAY
01/17/2012
Wal-Mart accidentally chooses the worst possible DVD to promote for Valentine's Day.
We can't blame the manager who placed this DVD here. It's got "Valentine" right there in the title and it stars the dude from The Notebook for Pete's sake. Sadly though, a lot...
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VALENTINE'S DAY
02/14/2011
Romantic getaway offer takes brilliantly unromantic turn.
Carrot Top's hair is red so this totally makes sense. And for another $69, he'll stay in the room with you when you take out the romance kit.
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It's Morrissey's birthday today; spend a minute thinking about how crazy it is that he never killed himself.
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so far today, i read the ny times and googled 'hulk porn'
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Pretty sure most people aren't spending nearly enough time thinking about me.
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I don't think I've ever initiated a conversation.
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LinkedIn is just one more way I've never connected with my dad.
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I always make out with the entire restaurant staff before I eat anywhere, just so they know that spitting in my food won't be necessary.
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I bet a chronological list of everything I've "liked" on the Internet would read like a short story about a man falling apart.
Michelle Wolf
if i ever want to get back at someone i'm dating, i just wipe back to front
donni
There must be a few vegetarians who just enjoy murdering vegetables.
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Probably one of the hardest things for Pinocchio to pull off was complimenting his friend's experimental theater piece.
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I got out of jury duty by being the defendant
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One of the most creatively disgusting ways to get revenge on your boss.
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5 people having a worse Monday than you.
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Advice column receives letter from worst man you could possibly sleep with.
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5 people having a worse Monday than you.
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Headline about gay marriage succeeds in being as blatantly sexual as possible.
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No amount of tanning will ever change how hopelessly white you are.
Just wanted to let you know that I love you even though you aren't naked right now.
If you were Jesus, today would be Christmas.
Happy birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a Facebook reminder.
I heard you go down even faster than Facebook stock.
May you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people.
Have a joyous time celebrating the day your face rubbed your mother's vagina.
I can't wait to start blaming my normal lack of productivity on it being summertime.
I hope a 28-year-old billionaire becoming even richer this week doesn't spoil your birthday.
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