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NOTES
04/04/2012
How to show your appreciation for an RA that slept with your girlfriend.
Either "getting in bed with my girlfriend" is a really delicate euphemism for "banging her furiously from behind while I was in Intro to Philosophy," or this student is really...
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VIDEO GAMES
01/11/2012
How to tell when your gift to your nephew has turned him into a serial killer.
"I shoot people they die, and it makes me laugh." No that's not an excerpt from a letter to the San Francisco Chronicle written by the Zodiac killer. It's just an adorably...
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CHRISTMAS SEASON
12/20/2011
Chinese restaurant sign offers long-overdue thank you to Jews.
For years, Jews and Chinese Restaurant owners have come together on Dec. 25 to celebrate food, family, and fellowship in the midst of what is otherwise an eerily abandoned ghost town. It's nice...
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NOTES
10/19/2011
Server thanks customers by passive-aggressively threatening to murder them.
At first glance, this seems like your typical, everyday case of a disgruntled waiter or waitress making a passive-aggressive death threat toward a table of loud, cheap assholes. But maybe not. Maybe...
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Artie Johann
If I were a bird, I'd be the one who shows up right as they finish the nest.
Ben Greenman
Facebook stock should have its own Timeline so it can look back on happier days, like last Friday.
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Most people don't know this, but you can quietly be a Republican or a Democrat.
Ken Jennings
Matthew Fox is like the Windows XP of Jon Hamm.
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It's Morrissey's birthday today; spend a minute thinking about how crazy it is that he never killed himself.
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No amount of tanning will ever change how hopelessly white you are.
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Happy birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a Facebook reminder.
Summer has snuck up once again on me and my giant ass.
I heard you go down even faster than Facebook stock.
Have a joyous time celebrating the day your face rubbed your mother's vagina.
I can't wait to start blaming my normal lack of productivity on it being summertime.
May you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people.
I hope a 28-year-old billionaire becoming even richer this week doesn't spoil your birthday.
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