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CHRISTMAS SEASON
12/20/2011
Chinese restaurant sign offers long-overdue thank you to Jews.
For years, Jews and Chinese Restaurant owners have come together on Dec. 25 to celebrate food, family, and fellowship in the midst of what is otherwise an eerily abandoned ghost town. It's nice...
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THANKS
12/01/2011
Sick compliment.
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THANKS
09/06/2011
Perfunctory interaction.
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06/20/2011
When holding a door for someone goes from polite to just plain weird.
We've all felt the crushing sensation of "Damn it, now I have to rush over to the door so this person isn't upset they have to hold it for the entire six seconds it's going to take...
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06/04/2011
Dead comedy legend memorialized with poignantly immature tombstone.
The late Leslie Nielsen was one of the most iconic comedic actors in the history of American cinema. He also spent most of his adult life looking sort of like everybody's grandpa. So it's...
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05/10/2011
The stupidest way in history to accidentally eat meat.
This vegan somehow made a worse decision than veganism by tattooing her lifestyle choice on the inside of her lip. Unfortunately for her, tattoos are typically applied in ink derived from charred...
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04/06/2011
Worst possible T-shirt to leave behind after robbing a house.
After serving a seven-year sentence for armed robbery, some people would decide that they appreciate the fresh air, and probably just aren't very good at the whole crime thing. Jonathan Huntley...
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04/02/2011
How to pay cab fare when you're too drunk to know you're in a cab.
This handy little invention lets you pay for a taxi even when you're intoxicated beyond rational thought — which is probably for the best in this case, considering you're essentially...
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03/05/2011
Impatient grandmother writes thank-you note to self.
The story: When this woman mailed money to her granddaughter, Megan, she didn't receive a thank-you note fast enough for her liking. So she just wrote one to herself and mailed it to Megan...
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02/17/2011
Best thank you card we've seen since at least the year Bosom Buddies ended.
I think we can safely say this is Tom Hanks' finest work in years. You can buy it here for less than the cost of renting Angels & Demons.
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More disastrous and embarrassing cases of people forgetting to log out of Facebook.
Notes
More of the most awkward, entertaining, or horrifying notes ever written by a roommate.
Summer
Craigslist ad offers great summer house opportunity for ugly people.
Notes
More of the most entertaining, obnoxious, or completely insane notes written to neighbors.
Photoshop
How to use Photoshop to make it look like your drunk friend had the night of his life.
Cartoons
What your entire life looks like when you're too picky about who you date.
Signs
Restaurant delivers best possible response to bad internet review.
Notes
Overprotective mom and dad leave extremely different goodbye notes.
Lists
Stephen Colbert named 69th most beautiful woman in the world.
Happy Place Original
What a brutally honest college diploma looks like.
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TV
Anderson Cooper kicks horrifying plastic surgery addict off show for being "dreadful."
TV News
Reporter's skirt adjustment nearly turns news clip into porn clip.
TV News
The most awkward conceivable way to declare you need a tan.
The Gays
The single-most deranged anti-gay rant ever read calmly into a microphone.
Food
Real-life Homer Simpson protests all-you-can-eat restaurant for cutting him off.
TV
What it would look like if every Sunday night show you watch was combined into one.
Videos
Kids reenact Sabotage video in honor of MCA.
Mother's Day
How to compensate your mom for the grossest thing she ever did for you.
Videos
Heartfelt music video about Facebook more embarrassing than your friends' status updates.
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Artie Johann
If I were a bird, I'd be the one who shows up right as they finish the nest.
Ben Greenman
Facebook stock should have its own Timeline so it can look back on happier days, like last Friday.
Jenny Johnson
Most people don't know this, but you can quietly be a Republican or a Democrat.
Ken Jennings
Matthew Fox is like the Windows XP of Jon Hamm.
Nicole Betz
I stay up at night worrying about what happens to the unquestioned Jeopardy answers.
kelly oxford
It's Morrissey's birthday today; spend a minute thinking about how crazy it is that he never killed himself.
h. jon benjamin
so far today, i read the ny times and googled 'hulk porn'
jon hendren
"i'm a passionate gamer" says incredible waste of human life
Michael Ian Black
Pretty sure most people aren't spending nearly enough time thinking about me.
IanWearsPants
I don't think I've ever initiated a conversation.
Matt Koff
LinkedIn is just one more way I've never connected with my dad.
MJ
I always make out with the entire restaurant staff before I eat anywhere, just so they know that spitting in my food won't be necessary.
Alex Blagg
I bet a chronological list of everything I've "liked" on the Internet would read like a short story about a man falling apart.
Michelle Wolf
if i ever want to get back at someone i'm dating, i just wipe back to front
donni
There must be a few vegetarians who just enjoy murdering vegetables.
Rob Kutner
Probably one of the hardest things for Pinocchio to pull off was complimenting his friend's experimental theater piece.
Megan Amram
I got out of jury duty by being the defendant
Gary Janetti
Never getting married. I don't need a piece of paper to tell me it's okay to emotionally torture someone.
Ari Scott
I hope God is almost done putting people on this earth to sing.
Jim Gaffigan
If there was an award for most pessimistic, I probably wouldn't even be nominated.
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Headlines
One of the most creatively disgusting ways to get revenge on your boss.
News
5 people having a worse Monday than you.
Advice
Advice column receives letter from worst man you could possibly sleep with.
News
How every man wants to die.
Headlines
How not to treat a 79-year-old world-renowned actor.
Headlines
How an attempt at the perfect prom photo can go horribly wrong.
Mondays
5 people having a worse Monday than you.
Headlines
Headline about gay marriage succeeds in being as blatantly sexual as possible.
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No amount of tanning will ever change how hopelessly white you are.
Just wanted to let you know that I love you even though you aren't naked right now.
If you were Jesus, today would be Christmas.
Happy birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a Facebook reminder.
Summer has snuck up once again on me and my giant ass.
I heard you go down even faster than Facebook stock.
Have a joyous time celebrating the day your face rubbed your mother's vagina.
I can't wait to start blaming my normal lack of productivity on it being summertime.
May you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people.
I hope a 28-year-old billionaire becoming even richer this week doesn't spoil your birthday.
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