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NOTES
05/16/2012
The most threatening note about internet access ever left by a 7-year-old child.
According to redditor surprisemailbox, this ominous note was left on the computer by his friend's 7-year-old sister, and for Christ's sake, everybody do what she says. Otherwise next...
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CHILD-REARING
04/03/2012
The most eloquently hostile tirade against an alarm clock ever written by a son to his mother.
Important tip for adult sons who still live at home: try not to mention how angry you are at alarm clocks, or other things associated with adult sons who no longer live at home because they can...
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ST. PATRICK'S DAY
03/15/2012
Child's drawing serves as grim St Patrick's Day warning.
Hear that, Leprechauns? Looks like the luck of the Irish just ran out. Little Jack McGovern doesn't want your pot of gold or your Lucky Charms or whatever freaky crap you have stashed at the end...
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VALENTINE'S DAY
02/06/2012
The most unintentionally threatening Valentine's Day card ever written by a child.
This little girl seems to have accidentally mastered the intimidation techniques of a New Jersey Mafia don. We bet if she'd had a little more room, she would have said, "I love you very...
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CHRISTMAS SEASON
12/13/2011
Christmas lights come with insanely ominous warning.
This inexpensive and potentially dangerous off-brand box of Christmas lights is right. Because, if Jesus taught us anything, it's that sacrificing yourself for others has zero consequences...
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NOTES
10/19/2011
Server thanks customers by passive-aggressively threatening to murder them.
At first glance, this seems like your typical, everyday case of a disgruntled waiter or waitress making a passive-aggressive death threat toward a table of loud, cheap assholes. But maybe not. Maybe...
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The most awkward conceivable way to declare you need a tan.
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The single-most deranged anti-gay rant ever read calmly into a microphone.
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Real-life Homer Simpson protests all-you-can-eat restaurant for cutting him off.
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What it would look like if every Sunday night show you watch was combined into one.
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If I were a bird, I'd be the one who shows up right as they finish the nest.
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Matthew Fox is like the Windows XP of Jon Hamm.
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I stay up at night worrying about what happens to the unquestioned Jeopardy answers.
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It's Morrissey's birthday today; spend a minute thinking about how crazy it is that he never killed himself.
h. jon benjamin
so far today, i read the ny times and googled 'hulk porn'
jon hendren
"i'm a passionate gamer" says incredible waste of human life
Michael Ian Black
Pretty sure most people aren't spending nearly enough time thinking about me.
IanWearsPants
I don't think I've ever initiated a conversation.
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LinkedIn is just one more way I've never connected with my dad.
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I always make out with the entire restaurant staff before I eat anywhere, just so they know that spitting in my food won't be necessary.
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If you were Jesus, today would be Christmas.
Happy birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a Facebook reminder.
Summer has snuck up once again on me and my giant ass.
I heard you go down even faster than Facebook stock.
Have a joyous time celebrating the day your face rubbed your mother's vagina.
I can't wait to start blaming my normal lack of productivity on it being summertime.
May you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people.
I hope a 28-year-old billionaire becoming even richer this week doesn't spoil your birthday.
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