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58 minutes ago
Anderson Cooper kicks horrifying plastic surgery addict off show for being "dreadful."
In the middle of talking to "Human Garbage Barbie" Sarah Burge, a wretched cylon and mom who not only presented her seven-year-old daughter with a birthday voucher for a boob job, but also...
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05/21/2012
What it would look like if every Sunday night show you watch was combined into one.
Yes! This idea is long overdue. It's about time we had the prospect of some of the characters on Mad Men getting as naked and sexually depraved as the ones on Game Of Thrones and Girls. Oh and...
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TV NEWS
05/16/2012
The most awkward conceivable way to declare you need a tan.
It's Tanning Mom's fault. She showed up on the scene, flaunting the way her magical skin resembles the craggy bark of an oak tree and suddenly we're all terrified that we're too pale....
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05/16/2012
IMDB profile of Kim Kardashian updated with brutally honest assessment of Kim Kardashian.
< CLICK IMAGE TO READ FULL BIO >< CLICK IMAGE TO READ FULL BIO >When an IMDB writer named John C. Hopwood was tasked with updating the page of Kim Kardashian, he took the opportunity...
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04/25/2012
News segment doubles as lonely reporter's cry for help.
We've long suspected CNN viewers are clinically depressed, but here's the undeniable proof. Don't miss their segment tomorrow on knitting sweaters for your pets, leaving voicemails for...
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04/19/2012
A sure sign the History Channel has officially run out of history.
Oh, History Channel. If we had any discretion, we wouldn't be watching you in the first place. Sure, what was once the home of legitimate historical documentaries about the rise of the Third...
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04/18/2012
Watch two straight minutes of Kenny Powers insulting you in the most offensive ways imaginable.
If you're still emotionally jarred from the all-too-sudden end of Eastbound and Down last Sunday, allow this two-minute montage of La Flama Blanca's most brutal put-downs to encircle you like...
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04/14/2012
A special new theme song in celebration of Fat Betty Francis on Mad Men.
Why are we so excited to watch January Jones in a fat suit on Mad Men? Is it because after so many seasons of Betty being little more than beautiful and slightly childish we're excited to see the...
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EASTER
04/03/2012
What your favorite TV shows would look like if they starred marshmallow Peeps.
The Walking Dead - Otis Peep left to dieApparently artistic creation utilizing the medium of Marshmallow Peeps have come a long way since our youth, when there was nothing more to do with them but...
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04/02/2012
January Jones's weight gain on last night's Mad Men inspires a delicious new meme.
If you watched last night's Mad Men, you're probably still waiting for the part where January Jones looks into the camera and shouts "April Fools" before tearing herself out of her...
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Summer
Craigslist ad offers great summer house opportunity for ugly people.
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More of the most entertaining, obnoxious, or completely insane notes written to neighbors.
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How to use Photoshop to make it look like your drunk friend had the night of his life.
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Restaurant delivers best possible response to bad internet review.
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What your entire life looks like when you're too picky about who you date.
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Overprotective mom and dad leave extremely different goodbye notes.
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Stephen Colbert named 69th most beautiful woman in the world.
Happy Place Original
What a brutally honest college diploma looks like.
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Anderson Cooper kicks horrifying plastic surgery addict off show for being "dreadful."
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Reporter's skirt adjustment nearly turns news clip into porn clip.
TV News
The most awkward conceivable way to declare you need a tan.
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The single-most deranged anti-gay rant ever read calmly into a microphone.
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Real-life Homer Simpson protests all-you-can-eat restaurant for cutting him off.
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Heartfelt music video about Facebook more embarrassing than your friends' status updates.
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How to compensate your mom for the grossest thing she ever did for you.
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Kids reenact Sabotage video in honor of MCA.
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If I were a bird, I'd be the one who shows up right as they finish the nest.
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Facebook stock should have its own Timeline so it can look back on happier days, like last Friday.
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Most people don't know this, but you can quietly be a Republican or a Democrat.
Ken Jennings
Matthew Fox is like the Windows XP of Jon Hamm.
Nicole Betz
I stay up at night worrying about what happens to the unquestioned Jeopardy answers.
kelly oxford
It's Morrissey's birthday today; spend a minute thinking about how crazy it is that he never killed himself.
h. jon benjamin
so far today, i read the ny times and googled 'hulk porn'
jon hendren
"i'm a passionate gamer" says incredible waste of human life
Michael Ian Black
Pretty sure most people aren't spending nearly enough time thinking about me.
IanWearsPants
I don't think I've ever initiated a conversation.
Matt Koff
LinkedIn is just one more way I've never connected with my dad.
MJ
I always make out with the entire restaurant staff before I eat anywhere, just so they know that spitting in my food won't be necessary.
Alex Blagg
I bet a chronological list of everything I've "liked" on the Internet would read like a short story about a man falling apart.
Michelle Wolf
if i ever want to get back at someone i'm dating, i just wipe back to front
donni
There must be a few vegetarians who just enjoy murdering vegetables.
Rob Kutner
Probably one of the hardest things for Pinocchio to pull off was complimenting his friend's experimental theater piece.
Megan Amram
I got out of jury duty by being the defendant
Gary Janetti
Never getting married. I don't need a piece of paper to tell me it's okay to emotionally torture someone.
Ari Scott
I hope God is almost done putting people on this earth to sing.
Jim Gaffigan
If there was an award for most pessimistic, I probably wouldn't even be nominated.
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One of the most creatively disgusting ways to get revenge on your boss.
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5 people having a worse Monday than you.
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Advice column receives letter from worst man you could possibly sleep with.
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How every man wants to die.
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How not to treat a 79-year-old world-renowned actor.
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5 people having a worse Monday than you.
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Headline about gay marriage succeeds in being as blatantly sexual as possible.
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No amount of tanning will ever change how hopelessly white you are.
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If you were Jesus, today would be Christmas.
Happy birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a Facebook reminder.
Summer has snuck up once again on me and my giant ass.
May you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people.
I heard you go down even faster than Facebook stock.
Have a joyous time celebrating the day your face rubbed your mother's vagina.
I can't wait to start blaming my normal lack of productivity on it being summertime.
Happy Anniversary of Your 29th Birthday.
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