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NEWS
04/23/2012
5 people having a worse Monday than you.
5. Metta World Peace - The Deranged Professional Basketball Player Formerly Known As Ron Artest will have to convince people he renamed himself ironically after leveling James Harden with an elbow...
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VALENTINE'S DAY
01/17/2012
Wal-Mart accidentally chooses the worst possible DVD to promote for Valentine's Day.
We can't blame the manager who placed this DVD here. It's got "Valentine" right there in the title and it stars the dude from The Notebook for Pete's sake. Sadly though, a lot...
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BLACK FRIDAY
11/25/2011
Black Friday shoppers riot over $2 waffle makers.
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SHOPPING
10/26/2011
Most ghetto grocery list in history discovered at Wal-Mart.
A Redditor claims to have found this list at his local Wal-Mart, and we don't care if it's fake. We just want to spend the rest of our day wondering what "white people bread" might...
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CRY FOR HELP
02/25/2011
Most white trash grocery list in history discovered at Walmart.
Does obesity cause horrific spelling? At the very least, pay close attention to this shopping list found at Walmart so you can learn what foods to avoid if don't want to become a moron. At the...
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Craigslist ad offers great summer house opportunity for ugly people.
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Photoshop
How to use Photoshop to make it look like your drunk friend had the night of his life.
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Restaurant delivers best possible response to bad internet review.
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Anderson Cooper kicks horrifying plastic surgery addict off show for being "dreadful."
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Reporter's skirt adjustment nearly turns news clip into porn clip.
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The most awkward conceivable way to declare you need a tan.
The Gays
The single-most deranged anti-gay rant ever read calmly into a microphone.
Food
Real-life Homer Simpson protests all-you-can-eat restaurant for cutting him off.
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What it would look like if every Sunday night show you watch was combined into one.
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Artie Johann
If I were a bird, I'd be the one who shows up right as they finish the nest.
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Facebook stock should have its own Timeline so it can look back on happier days, like last Friday.
Jenny Johnson
Most people don't know this, but you can quietly be a Republican or a Democrat.
Ken Jennings
Matthew Fox is like the Windows XP of Jon Hamm.
Nicole Betz
I stay up at night worrying about what happens to the unquestioned Jeopardy answers.
kelly oxford
It's Morrissey's birthday today; spend a minute thinking about how crazy it is that he never killed himself.
h. jon benjamin
so far today, i read the ny times and googled 'hulk porn'
jon hendren
"i'm a passionate gamer" says incredible waste of human life
Michael Ian Black
Pretty sure most people aren't spending nearly enough time thinking about me.
IanWearsPants
I don't think I've ever initiated a conversation.
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LinkedIn is just one more way I've never connected with my dad.
MJ
I always make out with the entire restaurant staff before I eat anywhere, just so they know that spitting in my food won't be necessary.
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One of the most creatively disgusting ways to get revenge on your boss.
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Advice column receives letter from worst man you could possibly sleep with.
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How every man wants to die.
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How not to treat a 79-year-old world-renowned actor.
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5 people having a worse Monday than you.
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How an attempt at the perfect prom photo can go horribly wrong.
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Headline about gay marriage succeeds in being as blatantly sexual as possible.
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No amount of tanning will ever change how hopelessly white you are.
Just wanted to let you know that I love you even though you aren't naked right now.
If you were Jesus, today would be Christmas.
Happy birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a Facebook reminder.
Summer has snuck up once again on me and my giant ass.
May you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people.
I heard you go down even faster than Facebook stock.
My favorite thing about summer is having a valid excuse for my excessive sweating.
Have a joyous time celebrating the day your face rubbed your mother's vagina.
I can't wait to start blaming my normal lack of productivity on it being summertime.
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