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SIGNS
05/01/2012
More smart-ass responses to completely well-meaning signs.
Most of these signs were designed to help people — to get where they're going, to find a pet, to avoid grievous bodily harm — and yet some writing-utensil-wielding wiseasses felt...
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SIGNS
01/16/2012
8 more of the world's most absurd warning signs and disclaimers.
Some people say Americans' love of suing the crap out of each other is a bad thing, but if it wasn't for that litigious spirit our warning signs and product disclaimers would be far less...
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WARNINGS
01/12/2012
Store selling Kardashian DVD judges you for buying Kardashian DVD.
We can't help but notice that despite his soothsayer-esque warning, Chris happened to give this DVD the full five stars. He either enjoys watching awful TV shows just to mock them relentlessly,...
3 comments
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NOTES
12/30/2011
Hungover roommate leaves note threatening worst Christmas present ever.
I've you've ever heard the sounds of torn wrapping paper and childlike wonder amplified by the after-effects of a Christmas Eve vodka bender, you might understand where Brodie's coming...
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WARNINGS
12/01/2011
Bizarre warning sign gives us way more questions than answers.
The utter lack of backstory on this sign makes it pretty counter-productive, considering all we can think about now is finding this kid and giving him every pencil we own, maybe even buying him some...
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SIGNS
10/15/2011
Amusement park ride discriminates against the pathetically unpopular.
,Sure, this seems like a good idea in theory: Everyone gets herded onto the ride in an orderly fashion, filling each seat without splitting up any parties. But that's until Lonely Craig starts...
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SIGNS
10/11/2011
Students busted for either texting in class or being obsessed with own genitals.
Other than being bizarrely comfortable with letting her students call her by her first name, this teacher is probably onto something here. Those kids aren't gazing at their genitals; they're...
8 comments
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WARNINGS
08/30/2011
Chatbots now being programmed to have passive-aggressive conversations.
Do they really think we're buying this? Two robots don't start talking about religion and God unless they've already concluded that the artificially intelligent are subject to no deity...
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REMINDERS
01/20/2011
Surgeon General's Warning for Twitter, Twilight books, and Angry Birds.
Are cigarettes any more harmful and addictive than micro-blogging, gaming, and young adult vampire novels? Yes. So try not to smoke while enjoying these other new Surgeon General's Warnings from...
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More disastrous and embarrassing cases of people forgetting to log out of Facebook.
Notes
More of the most awkward, entertaining, or horrifying notes ever written by a roommate.
Summer
Craigslist ad offers great summer house opportunity for ugly people.
Notes
More of the most entertaining, obnoxious, or completely insane notes written to neighbors.
Weddings
A new way to dress as reprehensibly as possible on your wedding day.
Photoshop
How to use Photoshop to make it look like your drunk friend had the night of his life.
Signs
Restaurant delivers best possible response to bad internet review.
Cartoons
What your entire life looks like when you're too picky about who you date.
Lists
Stephen Colbert named 69th most beautiful woman in the world.
Notes
Overprotective mom and dad leave extremely different goodbye notes.
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TV
Anderson Cooper kicks horrifying plastic surgery addict off show for being "dreadful."
TV News
Reporter's skirt adjustment nearly turns news clip into porn clip.
TV News
The most awkward conceivable way to declare you need a tan.
The Gays
The single-most deranged anti-gay rant ever read calmly into a microphone.
Food
Real-life Homer Simpson protests all-you-can-eat restaurant for cutting him off.
TV
What it would look like if every Sunday night show you watch was combined into one.
Videos
Heartfelt music video about Facebook more embarrassing than your friends' status updates.
Videos
Kids reenact Sabotage video in honor of MCA.
Mother's Day
How to compensate your mom for the grossest thing she ever did for you.
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Artie Johann
If I were a bird, I'd be the one who shows up right as they finish the nest.
Ben Greenman
Facebook stock should have its own Timeline so it can look back on happier days, like last Friday.
Jenny Johnson
Most people don't know this, but you can quietly be a Republican or a Democrat.
Ken Jennings
Matthew Fox is like the Windows XP of Jon Hamm.
Nicole Betz
I stay up at night worrying about what happens to the unquestioned Jeopardy answers.
kelly oxford
It's Morrissey's birthday today; spend a minute thinking about how crazy it is that he never killed himself.
h. jon benjamin
so far today, i read the ny times and googled 'hulk porn'
jon hendren
"i'm a passionate gamer" says incredible waste of human life
Michael Ian Black
Pretty sure most people aren't spending nearly enough time thinking about me.
IanWearsPants
I don't think I've ever initiated a conversation.
Matt Koff
LinkedIn is just one more way I've never connected with my dad.
MJ
I always make out with the entire restaurant staff before I eat anywhere, just so they know that spitting in my food won't be necessary.
Alex Blagg
I bet a chronological list of everything I've "liked" on the Internet would read like a short story about a man falling apart.
Michelle Wolf
if i ever want to get back at someone i'm dating, i just wipe back to front
donni
There must be a few vegetarians who just enjoy murdering vegetables.
Rob Kutner
Probably one of the hardest things for Pinocchio to pull off was complimenting his friend's experimental theater piece.
Megan Amram
I got out of jury duty by being the defendant
Gary Janetti
Never getting married. I don't need a piece of paper to tell me it's okay to emotionally torture someone.
Ari Scott
I hope God is almost done putting people on this earth to sing.
Jim Gaffigan
If there was an award for most pessimistic, I probably wouldn't even be nominated.
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One of the most creatively disgusting ways to get revenge on your boss.
News
5 people having a worse Monday than you.
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Advice column receives letter from worst man you could possibly sleep with.
News
How every man wants to die.
Headlines
How not to treat a 79-year-old world-renowned actor.
Mondays
5 people having a worse Monday than you.
Headlines
How an attempt at the perfect prom photo can go horribly wrong.
Headlines
Headline about gay marriage succeeds in being as blatantly sexual as possible.
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No amount of tanning will ever change how hopelessly white you are.
Just wanted to let you know that I love you even though you aren't naked right now.
If you were Jesus, today would be Christmas.
Happy birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a Facebook reminder.
Summer has snuck up once again on me and my giant ass.
May you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people.
I heard you go down even faster than Facebook stock.
Have a joyous time celebrating the day your face rubbed your mother's vagina.
My favorite thing about summer is having a valid excuse for my excessive sweating.
I can't wait to start blaming my normal lack of productivity on it being summertime.
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