Funny tweets on Happy Place. The funniest tweets from Twitter.

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Rex Huppke yesterday

"I had my priest use the charred dust of a cayenne-infused duck confit." - Ash Wednesday foodie
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Jenny Johnson yesterday

I'd say you're more of a mix between an Ewok and a hooker. RT @KimKardashian : I'm such a mix between Charlotte and Carrie!
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molly yesterday

I just need closure = I want to make myself look insane to my ex.
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Aaron Burdette yesterday

Humans: "I got new pants!" Animals: "Check out my genitals!"
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Damien Fahey yesterday

"Don't steal, don't kill, put some stuff on your forehead, maybe sometimes don't eat meat? Look, I'm clearly running out of ideas here" -God
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charles yesterday

"Hey, my eyes are down here." - Catholic woman on Ash Wednesday
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Julius Sharpe yesterday

Guys, don't be nervous about getting married. 40% of it is just pretending to be excited about new storage containers.
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Brandon Gardner yesterday

It's International "Surprise! I'm Catholic" Day
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Matt Kirshen yesterday

"Men are from Mars; Women are from Mars; I am from Mars" - A Martian.
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Indecision yesterday

Rick Santorum promises to fight porn. That statement sounds like the plot to the world's worst porn. http://t.co/pr0RejPu
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Jenny Johnson yesterday

Happy Pretend Your Co-Workers Don't Look Creepy When They Come Back From Lunch With Black Shit Smeared Across Their Foreheads Day!!!!
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February 21st
Drew Bomhof 02/21/2012

Does this include gastro-intestinal corruption RT @Carlsjr "The duty of youth is to challenge corruption." -Kurt Cobain 2/20/67-4/5/94 #rip
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Neal Brennan 02/21/2012

Lent is Catholic fraternity hazing.
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that Pluta kid 02/21/2012

Kurt Cobain's ghost just killed itself. RT @CarlsJr "The duty of youth is to challenge corruption." - Kurt Cobain, 2/20/67-4/5/94 #rip
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Artie Johann 02/21/2012

Sometimes, as a joke, I'll enroll online at the University of Phoenix and try to get good grades then graduate.
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Rex Huppke 02/21/2012

IF YOU THINK A JOKE ON SOCIAL MEDIA IS NOT FUNNY OR INAPPROPRIATE MAKE SURE YOU RESPOND BY SAYING "NOT FUNNY" SO IT GETS FIXED
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matt 02/21/2012

"Ooh, I wonder if that's the email I've been waiting for?" - excited me two seconds before remembering that I emailed myself two seconds ago
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Aaron Blitzstein 02/21/2012

"All I know is he's up there with the door locked, ruining a LOT of socks." - Jim Henson's dad
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Brendan McLaughlin 02/21/2012

If you watch "Tower Heist" in HD, you can see all of the actors' regret.
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Jim Gaffigan 02/21/2012

Eating hummus is the closest I will ever come to a fasting.
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IanWearsPants 02/21/2012

I just got sad thinking about the women who willingly spend time with Jeremy Piven.
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Chase Mitchell 02/21/2012

Can't believe Rihanna is back with Chris Brown. It's like she didn't even SEE all of our hilarious tweets about him.
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rob delaney 02/21/2012

Psyched for the new Rihanna/Chris Brown songs! Haven't been this excited since Hitler & Anne Frank's duet, "Chillax, Haterz!"
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Alec Sulkin 02/21/2012

I wish there was a bobble head me that could listen to women talk about their dreams.
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Chris Kelly 02/21/2012

The scariest moment is when I realize the high-five doesn't end there.
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