Funny tweets on Happy Place. The funniest tweets from Twitter.

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Brendan McLaughlin yesterday

Anyone know where Don Draper's wife's fake funky teeth are made? These things I've been having prostitutes wear are way off.
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Kevin Biggins yesterday

The closest I've come to working out in the last month has been a double sneeze. And I hurt my neck.
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Eli Braden yesterday

It would probably do bigger box office with a more modern title like 'DA GREAT GAT$BY'
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5318008 yesterday

Your girlfriend noticing you are constantly clearing your web browser history is the new your girlfriend seeing your web browser history.
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joewengert yesterday

PLEASE LET ME KNOW OF ANY MENU INACCURACIES AS SOON AS I SIT DOWN I'M NOT TRYING TO GET MY HEART BROKEN PLEASE
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emily bell yesterday

It is such sweet and supreme irony that Facebook seems to have screwed up its IPO through failing to share information correctly.
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Alex Baze yesterday

"My name is Mitt Romney, and I've been told that I would like to be your president."
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Matt Ingebretson yesterday

I think dinosaurs didn't get hit by a meteor they just all committed suicide because they didn't have internet
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leo allen yesterday

This whole Facebook stock plunge reminds me of that other time the other business thing I didn't really understand happened.
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rachel lichtman yesterday

Happy Correct Everyone's Pronunciation Of 'Moog' Day.
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Jacob Harris yesterday

So, how should I talk to my kids about the Facebook IPO?
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May 22nd
Jenny Johnson 05/22/2012

Most people don't know this, but you can quietly be a Republican or a Democrat.
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Ken Jennings 05/22/2012

Matthew Fox is like the Windows XP of Jon Hamm.
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Michael Ian Black 05/22/2012

Pretty sure most people aren't spending nearly enough time thinking about me.
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jon hendren 05/22/2012

"i'm a passionate gamer" says incredible waste of human life
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h. jon benjamin 05/22/2012

so far today, i read the ny times and googled 'hulk porn'
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Ben Greenman 05/22/2012

Facebook stock should have its own Timeline so it can look back on happier days, like last Friday.
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Matt Koff 05/22/2012

LinkedIn is just one more way I've never connected with my dad.
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IanWearsPants 05/22/2012

I don't think I've ever initiated a conversation.
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kelly oxford 05/22/2012

It's Morrissey's birthday today; spend a minute thinking about how crazy it is that he never killed himself.
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MJ 05/22/2012

I always make out with the entire restaurant staff before I eat anywhere, just so they know that spitting in my food won't be necessary.
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Alex Blagg 05/22/2012

I bet a chronological list of everything I've "liked" on the Internet would read like a short story about a man falling apart.
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Nicole Betz 05/22/2012

I stay up at night worrying about what happens to the unquestioned Jeopardy answers.
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May 21st
Michelle Wolf 05/21/2012

if i ever want to get back at someone i'm dating, i just wipe back to front
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Gary Janetti 05/21/2012

Never getting married. I don't need a piece of paper to tell me it's okay to emotionally torture someone.
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