Funny tweets on Happy Place. The funniest tweets from Twitter.

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Jen Statsky 10/28/2011

We're probably at the point now where at least one person's dying words have been, "I should have listened to more podcasts."
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Alex Baze 11/29/2011

I'm already mad at the kids who are on the lawn I may someday have.
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crowded balcony 01/10/2012

My ideal diet would be people I don't want to talk to standing by all the food that's bad for me.
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All Hail Jerry Renek 03/01/2012

Any chance right wing idiots also die in threes?
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sammy 03/15/2012

Feeling depressed? Imagine Nicholas Cage on a roller coaster.
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Ryan Levin 04/11/2012

Talk about a lowpoint. I stole two dozen packets of Sweet & Low from Starbucks today, only to come home and realize, "I use Sweet & Low."
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Alec Sulkin 09/09/2010

Morning: Time to begin the eyes-open, bullshit dance again.
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Stephen Colbert 11/04/2010

Kenny Loggins never explored the real issue: Why did any town zone for danger in the first place, let alone build a highway to it?
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Andy Borowitz 12/21/2010

Nice thing about being John McCain: three days ago was a very sad day, but now he can't remember why. #DADT
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SlappNuttz 01/20/2011

Whenever I'm feeling content, I remind myself that there are millions of people out there that have it way better than I do.
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Kate Riley 01/31/2011

can anyone recommend a good yoga studio for me to drive past?
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Andy Borowitz 03/01/2011

Charlie Sheen - Money = Guy Barking on Street Corner
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Michael Pierce 04/05/2011

Are we sure Kurt Cobain is dead? What if he just has a Myspace account?
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Max Silvestri 05/02/2011

"Burial at sea?? It's like the movie Ghost Ship all over again." - not even the guy who wrote Ghost Ship
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Joe Veix 07/01/2011

The only thing we have to fear is "No Fear" merchandise.
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FreeDarko 07/13/2011

I don't get it, is Michael Imperioli young or old?
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Justin Shanes 07/21/2011

Picked the wrong day to go jogging in my burka.
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Andrew Goldstein 08/02/2011

"Ugh, shoot me in the head" - Gabby Giffords, 10 minutes after returning to Congress.
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Morgan Murphy 08/15/2011

I wonder if anyone who called me out for accidentally typing "except" instead of "expect" has ever voted, or fucked, or smiled. xoxoxo
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Josh Hara 08/24/2011

Yes, I fucked up you're/your on my last tweet. Consider it a donation to your self-esteem.
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Todd Marrone 09/26/2011

Don't complain about the decline of the middle class in a Starbucks in a Target.
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Peter-john Byrnes 10/04/2011

My health club has a lot of elderly Jews as members so the locker room looks like David Cronenberg and Mel Brooks made a movie together.
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Joe DeVito 10/20/2011

Gaddafi's death photos are almost as gruesome as his life photos
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The False Prophet 10/27/2011

R.I.P. decade without horrible Beavis & Butthead impressions
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karl hess 11/17/2011

At this point Facebook is effectively a really cool pool that someone took a dump in.
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