Funny tweets on Happy Place. The funniest tweets from Twitter.

Tweet Picks More Tweets »

sort-by: Newest | Most Popular

Damien Fahey 05/16/2012

When someone tells me about a book they've read, I pretentiously say, "Oh, I don't even own a book."
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Damien Fahey 05/01/2012

There should be at least a 90% reduction in clapping for things children do.
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Damien Fahey 04/25/2012

I feel like Pizza Hut is just a few months away from stuffing Kevin James into pizza crusts.
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Damien Fahey 04/23/2012

The biggest asshole in the history of the world was the first person that celebrated their birthday.
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Damien Fahey 04/20/2012

Crazy to think there's only 6 square inches of Portland, Oregon that hasn't been Instagrammed.
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Damien Fahey 04/04/2012

It breaks my heart to think about those glasses of wine that white women forgot to photograph and upload to a social media website.
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Damien Fahey 04/02/2012

When someone is talking to me, that's when I imagine all of the fun stuff that's probably happening on the Internet.
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Damien Fahey 03/28/2012

If technology was up to me, we'd just now be getting around to the whistle thingy in a tea kettle.
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Damien Fahey 03/27/2012

I could never be a hardcore gangsta rapper because there's probably a limit to how much you can enjoy a scone in public.
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Damien Fahey 03/26/2012

I'm scared shitless that we're not taking enough photos of clouds through airplane windows.
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Damien Fahey 03/26/2012

I guarantee if David Lee Roth got a time machine, he wouldn't use it to kill Hitler, he'd take it back to 1984 instead.
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Damien Fahey 03/23/2012

When you think your job sucks, remember that Geraldo's mouth actually has to say what Geraldo's brain thinks.
- Discuss (1)
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Damien Fahey 03/20/2012

So brave of Adrien Brody to give up acting to focus on weird facial hair patterns.
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Damien Fahey 03/19/2012

Most of history was spent wearing really stupid hats.
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Damien Fahey 03/15/2012

When are they going to circumcise Newt Gingrich's neck?
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Damien Fahey 03/14/2012

Vacations are a great way to spend thousands of dollars to stare at your phone in exotic locations.
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Damien Fahey 03/08/2012

I was blown away by how realistic the raindrops on the new iPad wallpaper looked until I realized they were actually a Chinese child's tears
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Damien Fahey 02/27/2012

Every person has a story to tell and that's why I stay home.
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Damien Fahey 02/22/2012

"Don't steal, don't kill, put some stuff on your forehead, maybe sometimes don't eat meat? Look, I'm clearly running out of ideas here" -God
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Damien Fahey 02/17/2012

Chris Christie won't veto the marriage equality bill if we convince him gay marriage is the union between melted cheese and marinara sauce.
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Damien Fahey 01/12/2012

People hold up "Perry for President" signs at Rick Perry rallies in case Rick forgets his name or why he's there.
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Damien Fahey 01/09/2012

The closest I've come to Tebowing was that time I fell asleep on the toilet at work.
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Damien Fahey 01/06/2012

I'm outside Whole Foods asking people to sign a petition to stop people from standing outside Whole Foods asking people to sign petitions.
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Damien Fahey 01/05/2012

When life hands you lemons, you probably won't notice because you'll be too busy staring at your phone.
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Damien Fahey 12/05/2011

My favorite comedians are George Carlin, Chris Rock and the guy who types "Presidential candidate" under Tim Pawlenty's name on CNN.
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email

DON'T MISS THIS

Featured Content

NEWSLETTER

Get Happy Place delivered to your inbox!

LET'S BE FRIENDS

PARTNER SITES

© Copyright 2012 someecards, Inc.