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Eli Braden 05/17/2012

What's your favorite Toto song about a continent? Mine's probably 'Africa'.
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Eli Braden 05/16/2012

#SignsAPersonCantCook He or she has been dead for over 25 years
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Eli Braden 05/04/2012

I like my women the way I like my Star Wars films: at least 29 years old & never having had Hayden Christensen in them #SWD #MayTheFourth
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Eli Braden 05/03/2012

Always nice to see a photo of my kids on the computer monitor after I close 30 porn windows
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Eli Braden 04/18/2012

Why is Dick Clark trending? Did he live?
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Eli Braden 04/11/2012

How funny would it be if they let 77-year-old Charles Manson out of prison & he just immediately started slaughtering C-list celebs again?
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Eli Braden 04/03/2012

I think your music sounds like farts. RT @Skrillex : I think my 4th chakra has just opened.
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Eli Braden 03/26/2012

No one who follows you has ever been to Italy. RT @OliveGarden : Have you ever been to Italy? What's your favorite Italian city to visit?
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Eli Braden 03/22/2012

No surprise The Situation is in rehab - throughout history so many brilliant artists have had drinking/drug problems...
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Eli Braden 03/19/2012

"I NEVER yell at my kids" - Parent who doesn't spend nearly enough time with his/her kids
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Eli Braden 03/15/2012

Congrats on fucking that many dudes. RT @KimKardashian : OMG 14 million! I can't believe it! Thank you guys so much!!!!!!
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Eli Braden 03/09/2012

I like my women the way I like my Star Wars films - at least 29 years old and never having had Hayden Christensen in them
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Eli Braden 03/06/2012

If you watch Carlos Mencia's career backwards he loses a shitload of money then gives all his jokes back to the people who wrote them
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Eli Braden 03/05/2012

Had a dry dream last night
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Eli Braden 02/29/2012

Snooki's egg was fertilized by a drop of Axe Body Spray
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Eli Braden 02/24/2012

Hope they got a receipt. RT @TVGuide : Pilot Season: CBS orders Martin Lawrence comedy
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Eli Braden 02/15/2012

I bet Rick Santorum is psyched to have the endorsement of a guy who got kicked out of Metallica for snorting too much cocaine
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Eli Braden 02/14/2012

R.I.P. STEVE JOBS #CandyHeartRejects
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Eli Braden 02/13/2012

"What's the deal with being a zillionaire?!?" RT @JerrySeinfeld : Think I'm gonna drop in Gotham tonight & play around with some new stuff...
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Eli Braden 02/03/2012

OK WE GET IT YOU'RE A DUDE NOW !!! RT @ChazBono : I'm getting excited about the Super Bowl on Sunday.
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Eli Braden 02/01/2012

Happy Black History Month to @KimKardashian 's genitals
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Eli Braden 01/25/2012

Lapdance was getting boring so I faked an orgasm by peeing my pants
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Eli Braden 01/18/2012

Someone needs to slap some sense into her. RT @USWeekly : 3 years after their infamous fight, Rihanna & Chris Brown are secretly hooking up
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Eli Braden 01/17/2012

The people who bought tickets. RT @VanillaIce : Any predictions on who is going to the Superbowl ?
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Eli Braden 01/10/2012

If I was a lady I'd get a tramp stamp of my dad's face w/ a word balloon "SO MY DAUGHTER'S GETTING FUCKED FROM BEHIND AGAIN, EH?"
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