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Jenny Johnson yesterday

Most people don't know this, but you can quietly be a Republican or a Democrat.
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Jenny Johnson 05/17/2012

I think it's super cute of Kim Kardashian to remind us why she's famous. http://t.co/RLgkCGQx
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Jenny Johnson 05/14/2012

There aren't any outlets on the plane and my iPhone is down to 10% battery. I had to switch to my iPad like some kind of fucking animal.
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Jenny Johnson 05/10/2012

Don't forget to press record!!! RT @KimKardashian : I'm coming, Vegas!!
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Jenny Johnson 05/01/2012

Jessica Simpson has already taught her daughter everything she knows.
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Jenny Johnson 04/27/2012

I bet it's because everyone has seen you fucking on camera, that'd keep me up. RT @KimKardashian : What's wrong with me! I can never sleep.
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Jenny Johnson 04/17/2012

You can't blow a hologram :( RT @KimKardashian : Just now seeing this Tupac hologram at Coachella!!! Wish I was there to see it in person!
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Jenny Johnson 04/13/2012

If you're feeling bad about yourself, keep in mind that Brad Pitt is engaged to Billy Bob Thornton's sloppy seconds.
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Jenny Johnson 03/28/2012

Kids who drink coffee are assholes.
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Jenny Johnson 03/21/2012

No one has done less for children than me.
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Jenny Johnson 03/20/2012

Some guy at Starbucks ordered the gayest coffee drink I've ever heard, I wouldn't be surprised if the barista stirred it with his dick.
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Jenny Johnson 03/12/2012

Heidi Klum says being around her kids makes her feel beautiful, which we all know is just a nice way of her calling her kids ugly.
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Jenny Johnson 02/27/2012

There's something about this guy that gives me the creeps. http://t.co/08ahCEIZ
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Jenny Johnson 02/22/2012

I'd say you're more of a mix between an Ewok and a hooker. RT @KimKardashian : I'm such a mix between Charlotte and Carrie!
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Jenny Johnson 02/22/2012

Happy Pretend Your Co-Workers Don't Look Creepy When They Come Back From Lunch With Black Shit Smeared Across Their Foreheads Day!!!!
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Jenny Johnson 02/15/2012

Each time a kid types "amirite" instead of "am I right" they should have to watch their parents fuck.
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Jenny Johnson 02/14/2012

Happy Birthday, Sex Jesus!!!!
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Jenny Johnson 02/13/2012

Being able to comprehend my parents' text messages should count as me speaking a second language.
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Jenny Johnson 02/10/2012

Is that what you call pussy? RT @TigerWoods : Signing off now, thanks a lot. Back to the putting green.
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Jenny Johnson 01/18/2012

I'll totally get arrested and thrown in jail to avoid a child's birthday party.
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Jenny Johnson 01/07/2012

You stole this prayer from my mom. RT @iamdiddy : Father. Please protect me from brokeness.. And bitch ass niggas.. And bitch ass bitches too
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Jenny Johnson 01/05/2012

If I had to guess, I'd say eHarmony pussy is probably the saddest pussy on the planet.
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Jenny Johnson 12/15/2011

I wish Planned Parenthood sold gift cards.
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Jenny Johnson 12/12/2011

I can't believe Mary's parents bought that whole "pregnant virgin" story.
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Jenny Johnson 12/09/2011

Never Forget: Ted Danson used to go down on Whoopi Goldberg
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