Funny tweets on Happy Place. The funniest tweets from Twitter.

Tweet Picks More Tweets »

sort-by: Newest | Most Popular

Jim Gaffigan 05/21/2012

If there was an award for most pessimistic, I probably wouldn't even be nominated.
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Jim Gaffigan 05/04/2012

High school was so much easier than Twitter.
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Jim Gaffigan 05/02/2012

Sometimes I feel like a fat guy trapped in fat guy's body.
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Jim Gaffigan 03/11/2012

Daylight Savings makes us lose an hour. It's just like checking Twitter.
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Jim Gaffigan 02/28/2012

"I could make you edible." - Mayonnaise to Cabbage http://t.co/JspVePHt
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Jim Gaffigan 02/27/2012

I'm watching Sesame Street with my 2 year old and pretending like I know the meaning of 'the word of the day'.
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Jim Gaffigan 02/21/2012

Eating hummus is the closest I will ever come to a fasting.
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Jim Gaffigan 02/10/2012

Can you get jet lag from walking up stairs?
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Jim Gaffigan 01/18/2012

When I say it's good to be home what I really mean is "it's good to know the cable channels."
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Jim Gaffigan 01/03/2012

Well, I guess it's time to get back to not being productive.
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Jim Gaffigan 12/15/2011

At most holiday parties I feel like the bowl of salsa after the guacamole has been brought to the table.
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Jim Gaffigan 12/07/2011

I would be horrible at a hunger strike.
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Jim Gaffigan 11/17/2011

"I want to eat a bunch of blue cheese and bacon, but I also want to appear to be healthy." - Inventor of wedge salad
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Jim Gaffigan 10/28/2011

How does Donald Trump remain so humble?
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Jim Gaffigan 10/18/2011

It is now cheaper to make a movie than to rent one in a hotel room.
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Jim Gaffigan 09/26/2011

Sometimes I feel like I'm being bullied by all these anti-bullying campaigns.
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Jim Gaffigan 09/16/2011

If I didn't have all these photos that I'll never look at, I don't know how I would make my computer run so slow.
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Jim Gaffigan 08/04/2011

When you think about it there aren't that many songs about rainbows.
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Jim Gaffigan 08/03/2011

I find reading poetry really inspires me to not read poetry.
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Jim Gaffigan 03/17/2011

I'm more afraid of mispronouncing nuclear than an actual meltdown.
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Jim Gaffigan 01/10/2011

No garbage pick up today. So now an IMPENDING snow storm is an excuse not to do your job?
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Jim Gaffigan 11/25/2010

I'm thankful that we are only mandated to be thankful 1 day a year. Can you imagine being grateful year round?
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Jim Gaffigan 11/11/2010

Dear Veterans. Thanks. You did more before 9AM than I ever did.
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Jim Gaffigan 10/31/2010

Best costume from last night @mrhoratiosanz "Che Guevara T-Shirt" http://yfrog.com/2fkv1j
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email
Jim Gaffigan 09/01/2010

"Hostage Situation at the Discovery Channel Building." I'm shocked! The Discovery Channel has its' own building?!
- Discuss
- Post
- Twitter
- Follow
- Email

DON'T MISS THIS

Featured Content

NEWSLETTER

Get Happy Place delivered to your inbox!

LET'S BE FRIENDS

PARTNER SITES

© Copyright 2012 someecards, Inc.