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Sarah Thyre 04/05/2012

I wish tears were good lube.
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Sarah Thyre 02/07/2012

I am truly happy for all my gay friends and family and strangers and certainly hope they will not do anything insane like get married.
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Sarah Thyre 01/19/2012

The thought of Newt Gingrich in an open marriage makes being bulimic so much easier.
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Sarah Thyre 01/12/2012

Just because I'm a feminist doesn't mean I can't shave off all my pubic hair. I love it, it makes my vagina look bigger.
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Sarah Thyre 11/11/2011

I've run out of friends I can trick into seeing Lars von Trier movies with me.
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Sarah Thyre 11/04/2011

When people are having loud sex in the hotel room nextdoor, I just tell my kids "That's a mentally disabled person on the toilet."
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Sarah Thyre 10/27/2011

Maybe if Charlie Brown stopped bitching about spending money on the holidays that little red-haired girl would've blown him.
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Sarah Thyre 10/20/2011

The word "bro" is 87% as effective as Plan B.
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Sarah Thyre 10/11/2011

Is a frontrunner a top or a bottom? "@TheWeek : Herman Cain will come out at tonight's GOP debate as a frontrunner, says @EdMorrissey "
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Sarah Thyre 04/19/2011

"I must brag that I'm famous, among a small group of regulars, for my coleslaw." #GwynethOrJoanCrawford ?
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Sarah Thyre 03/24/2011

Husband watching American Idol while I mourn Liz Taylor. It's like New Gay versus Old Gay around here.
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Sarah Thyre 01/24/2011

I'd be OK listening to nothing but Hall and Oates for the rest of my life if I were also constantly drunk.
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Sarah Thyre 01/18/2011

Any day now, Gwyneth Paltrow will say she was just doing an Andy Kaufman thing, trying to get the audience to hate her. Only not funny.
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Sarah Thyre 12/09/2010

"Assange" sounds like a hemorrhoid that's grown fingers.
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Sarah Thyre 11/24/2010

I am so out of the TV loop I don't even know what to brag about not watching.
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Sarah Thyre 10/27/2010

I appreciate Charlie's efforts to satisfy us non-viewers of Two and a Half Men.
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Sarah Thyre 10/26/2010

At a screening of Morning Glory.* Not a dry vagina in the house. (*lie)
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Sarah Thyre 10/15/2010

The Real Housewives franchise was actually invented as a litmus test to see if your husband is secretly gay.
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