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Alex Baze 05/17/2012

Everybody wonders if they're fat and nobody wonders if they're boring.
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Alex Baze 05/08/2012

IF I was in a fight club, and I'm not saying I am, I would have SO much trouble with the first rule.
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Alex Baze 04/05/2012

I think when Jesus died for our sins, he wasn't fully aware of some of the shit we'd be getting into.
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Alex Baze 03/07/2012

Holy shit! The iPad 3 just released the iPad 4!
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Alex Baze 03/02/2012

If Rush Limbaugh doesn't change his attitude about women, someone's gonna end up giving him a Grammy.
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Alex Baze 02/28/2012

I HATE that I didn't get to see Mitt Romney's face when he was shown a photo of Kid Rock.
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Alex Baze 01/09/2012

It's just as well that the Broncos won. You don't want dudes everywhere "Roethlisbergering".
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Alex Baze 12/21/2011

Getting out of bed is like a bad break-up you can have every day.
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Alex Baze 12/14/2011

I like that all the people suspicious of Barack Obama's weird name are having to choose between Mitt and Newt.
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Alex Baze 11/29/2011

I'm already mad at the kids who are on the lawn I may someday have.
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Alex Baze 11/18/2011

I'm so lazy, my safeword is "password".
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Alex Baze 11/09/2011

If a dog is man's best friend, a cat is man's snotty, passive-aggressive ex-girlfriend.
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Alex Baze 11/08/2011

Michelle Duggar must give some toothy-ass blowjobs.
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Alex Baze 10/26/2011

If she says "autumn" instead of "fall," you can probably cross anal off your wish list.
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Alex Baze 10/11/2011

"Undefeated Detroit Lions" sounds like one of those phrases they throw in to sci-fi movies so you know it's the future.
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Alex Baze 10/04/2011

Life is what happens between Angry Birds updates.
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Alex Baze 09/20/2011

Grey Gardens #terriblenamesforavagina
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Alex Baze 09/16/2011

I Don't Care How She Does It.
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Alex Baze 09/14/2011

If you vote against Obama because he can't get stuff done, it's kinda like saying, "this guy can't cure cancer. I'm gonna vote for cancer."
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Alex Baze 09/06/2011

Just hurt my brain trying to imagine how an Australian guy would pronounce the word "sterile".
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Alex Baze 08/30/2011

"My hands are made of scissors." #verywhitepeopleproblems
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Alex Baze 08/24/2011

I was gonna make a Steve Jobs joke, but no way I'm standing in that line. I'll make one next week.
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Alex Baze 08/19/2011

Rick Perry enters the 2012 presidential race and somewhere, two ancient Mayans quietly high-five.
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Alex Baze 08/11/2011

I know my dream woman is out there somewhere. And that her boring friend is the one who's into me.
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Alex Baze 08/04/2011

Poorly prepared by a teenage cutter in a shitty band RT @Outback : If you were an Outback menu item, what would you be?
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