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Jason Mustian 05/16/2012

Facebook is now worth more than a decent number of countries in which I have Facebook friends.
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Jason Mustian 05/10/2012

I'm sure glad TIME's one remaining subscriber knows how to scan and upload photos to the Internet.
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Jason Mustian 05/08/2012

If John Travolta ends up losing money in the lawsuit he should try to make it back by trademarking "reverse massage."
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Jason Mustian 04/27/2012

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one trying to ruin this relationship.
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Jason Mustian 04/18/2012

Just wish I could write a Dick Clark tweet that was both distasteful AND self-righteous about distasteful Dick Clark tweets.
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Jason Mustian 04/16/2012

BREAKING: Facebook in talks to buy Tupac hologram for $1 billion.
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Jason Mustian 04/09/2012

A million dollars isn't cool. You know what's cool? Sepia toned pictures of wine.
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Jason Mustian 04/03/2012

If the sons of The Beatles do start a new group it will be nothing like The Beatles in that someone will probably shoot all four of them.
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Jason Mustian 03/30/2012

"I don't understand math." --people buying Mega Millions tickets
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Jason Mustian 03/12/2012

SPOILER ALERT: Obama wins.
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Jason Mustian 02/28/2012

My wife just sent me the whitest married couple text message ever. http://t.co/ldqMBZgr
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Jason Mustian 02/15/2012

That's OK, Word. My Twitter followers will check my spelling and grammar for me.
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Jason Mustian 02/10/2012

There, I fixed it. http://t.co/0QjfXKbi
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Jason Mustian 02/02/2012

Getting your weather report from a rodent is no dumber than getting your news from FOX.
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Jason Mustian 01/23/2012

I'd like to wish the people who aren't allowed to read this a Happy Chinese New Year.
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Jason Mustian 01/17/2012

Autocorrect just changed "extreme" to "Xtreme" because it knows I'm a douchebag.
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Jason Mustian 01/09/2012

To determine her non-porn name, Blue Ivy will take the name of the street she grew up on and the name of her first pet.
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Jason Mustian 12/19/2011

SPOILER ALERT: They buy a zoo.
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Jason Mustian 12/12/2011

Please, no looking cool against the door. http://t.co/WwsilbmS
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Jason Mustian 12/08/2011

I'm just surprised Rick Perry can remember that he's a Christian, hates fags and thinks kids should pray in school. THAT'S 3 THINGS!
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Jason Mustian 12/07/2011

DON'T SHOVE YOUR RELIGION IN MY FACE! RT @KimKardashian good night, sweet dreams tweethearts! say your prayers
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Jason Mustian 12/01/2011

Please read: http://t.co/rZsmUjt3
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Jason Mustian 11/30/2011

I love how 90's rappers bragged about having rhymes. THAT'S YOUR FUCKING JOB!
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Jason Mustian 11/28/2011

I wonder what kind of Cyber Monday deals @newtgingrich is getting on Twitter followers?
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Jason Mustian 11/21/2011

Thanksgiving dinner conversation is what I imagine when I imagine YouTube comments coming to life.
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