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Alec Sulkin 04/13/2012

I have 6 million jizz count sheets.
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Alec Sulkin 03/27/2012

"I'm actually doing great" is one of the most aggressively hostile phrases you can put in an email to me.
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Alec Sulkin 03/26/2012

Next time you're about to turn on a light, look up with a smug expression and say, "Nice try, the dark."
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Alec Sulkin 02/29/2012

Click on name. Click on photos. Click on Profile Pictures. Click on one with your whole body. Goodbye forever.
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Alec Sulkin 02/21/2012

I wish there was a bobble head me that could listen to women talk about their dreams.
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Alec Sulkin 02/13/2012

I'm pretty good at subtly ending emotional hugs.
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Alec Sulkin 01/20/2012

Just watched a fat man reading Ken Follett at the airport and realized there can't possibly be a god.
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Alec Sulkin 01/06/2012

"I want to live with a synonym girl / I could be happy or joyful or content the rest of my life with a synonym girl"
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Alec Sulkin 12/08/2011

Every time I look in the mirror I hear the "this sports team isn't doing well montage" music.
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Alec Sulkin 12/05/2011

Something about everything sucks.
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Alec Sulkin 12/02/2011

"Alright, now I need CX percent outta you guys, got it?!" (Roman Coach)
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Alec Sulkin 11/28/2011

Let's speed up our goodbyes, everyone on earth.
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Alec Sulkin 10/20/2011

Bryant Gumbel called David Stern a racist. The accusation may have carried more weight if it'd come from a black guy.
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Alec Sulkin 10/03/2011

I'm allergic to photos of your cat.
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Alec Sulkin 09/29/2011

I'd like to thank the Red Sox for reminding me why I always see the worst in people.
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Alec Sulkin 09/22/2011

Tony Romo has broken ribs and says it hurts to laugh. His doctor prescribed bed rest and "Whitney".
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Alec Sulkin 09/08/2011

I hate those unrealistic movies where women are friends.
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Alec Sulkin 07/27/2011

I feel like the "I cannot tell a lie" story is a lie. #USA
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Alec Sulkin 06/13/2011

LeBron hides behind god. God says, "Hit a fucking jumper, asshole."
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Alec Sulkin 05/18/2011

"I've got 99 problems and I'm not dealing with any of them." (Lay-Z)
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Alec Sulkin 05/13/2011

Kids, don't be a bully. Be the kid next to him whispering, "Check out this loser's hat."
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Alec Sulkin 05/09/2011

When does Dana Delaney get her saucy mitts on Osama's body?
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Alec Sulkin 05/02/2011

Republicans better dust off another "we don't give a shit if you win or not" candidate. #McCain #Dole
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Alec Sulkin 04/22/2011

To Republicans, Earth is a MILF.
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Alec Sulkin 04/21/2011

Listen to "I Got You, Babe" again. "They" were totally right.
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