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James Clappison
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Real-life Homer Simpson protests all-you-can-eat restaurant for cutting him off.
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Kevin Biggins
The closest I've come to working out in the last month has been a double sneeze. And I hurt my neck.
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Anyone know where Don Draper's wife's fake funky teeth are made? These things I've been having prostitutes wear are way off.
rachel lichtman
Happy Correct Everyone's Pronunciation Of 'Moog' Day.
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Your girlfriend noticing you are constantly clearing your web browser history is the new your girlfriend seeing your web browser history.
Eli Braden
It would probably do bigger box office with a more modern title like 'DA GREAT GAT$BY'
leo allen
This whole Facebook stock plunge reminds me of that other time the other business thing I didn't really understand happened.
Jacob Harris
So, how should I talk to my kids about the Facebook IPO?
emily bell
It is such sweet and supreme irony that Facebook seems to have screwed up its IPO through failing to share information correctly.
joewengert
PLEASE LET ME KNOW OF ANY MENU INACCURACIES AS SOON AS I SIT DOWN I'M NOT TRYING TO GET MY HEART BROKEN PLEASE
Alex Baze
"My name is Mitt Romney, and I've been told that I would like to be your president."
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I heard you go down even faster than Facebook stock.
If you were Jesus, today would be Christmas.
May you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people.
Summer has snuck up once again on me and my giant ass.
Have a joyous time celebrating the day your face rubbed your mother's vagina.
I work well with others when they leave me the fuck alone.
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